Funny Relationship Advice, Part 1: Marriages

And lastly, if you cannot trust your spouse-to-be with your phone, then you have no business getting married.

Augmented Reality Speed Dating Platform

By Rob C.

Inspired by the November 15th 2016, AMA Toronto panel discussion entitled The Future Today: How Marketers Can Leverage Emerging Technologies, I would like to present my ideas on the components necessary in creating a functional AR speed dating solution.

AR = Augmented Reality. If you have already played Pokemon Go, you know how that works. If you have not then check out the short film below, "Sight", which shows what some theorize the future of Augmented Reality might look like.

Regarding the AMA Event – held at 345 Adelaide St W after work;  I was impressed by the people I met there and the synergistic ideas in the room regarding overcoming the challenge of getting adopters and making mavens for phone apps and other bits of innovative technology. A top Toronto B2B marketing consultant Tania Stadnik organized the event and introduced the speakers. Personally I was more stimulated by all the hip Toronto event bloggers in the audience, (Shanny, Raymi and Wedding Girl) than I was with the three well know ‘thought leaders’' on stage, Adam Green from Google Canada, Zahra Rajani the VP Digital Experience at Jackman Reinvents, and Kevin Keane from Brainsights.  They're okay but I don't read their stuff the same way I soak up the girl's blogs - but that's me.

In the hour long talk that followed these marketing idealists discussed the many distracting elements of technology which discourage people from adopting new systems and practices that could be very beneficial to their organization. In the hierarchy of change management there are early adopters and mavens at the top and and the slow pokes at the bottom who are still using their blackberries. The secret is to find managers in between that have shared goals and to remove roadblocks at all levels of the enterprise. And of course, the unspoken truth is that the application itself must have a dead simple interface and be easy to use and understand and be immediately rewarding to the user.

Augmented Reality Dating Programs need Facebook API

We here at True Love Bites we been wrapping our brains around how to launch this city’s first augmented reality singles event after seeing the short film, "Sight" ensconced on Laura Bilotta’s Single in the City blog about augmented reality dating and reading there about the call for developers to make apps for the new device.  We have concluded that in order to get any details worth reporting in a wingman app of any description, the software would have to access the massive database of personal information stored at Facebook, failing that Twitter, and after that Instagram.

The short film Sight was created by students Eran May-raz and Daniel Lazo at the Bezalel Academy of Art and Design, the film explores the potentials and hazards of Augmented Reality ‘wingman’ apps. But the amount of data that a male user is seeing could only come from a sophisticated social network like Facebook – no dating profile user is going to put that much information about themselves in a dating profile.

An AR enabled speed dating event however encourages everyone to participate in the tech exercise. Sure there’s the usual wine and cheese and the usual long table with men on one side and women on the other, but this speed dating event is very different. Our Meetup is a smart phone powered free WiFi enabled occasion; app users also need to enable the audio speaker function and share a headset – cool huh? Like the two dogs in the Disney movie Lady and the Tramp eating the spaghetti. 

Everyone’s smart phone must download the AR app, they then sign in using their Facebook profile, which will then comb through their Facebook profiles for mutual interests. So when the app users meet the program will use audio (voice track) to help them more meaningfully explore their commonalities in the few minutes they have together.

Which oddly enough is a bit like Facebook stalking each other at the same time, in person. Whatever.

So let’s walk through this…  At the AR speed dating event, using the technology, the two app users would meet for the first time and rather than exchange pleasantries about their jobs and lives and career aspirations etc. all these boring details, private details, the app would instead remind them both of a cafĂ© in a remote city where they both ate once, years apart (as per Facebook), and ask them to recall the best thing on the menu, or anything they can remember about the place. In this way, their true personalities are more easily discovered and the exchange is altogether more meaningful. 

The program would also streamline the path for follow-up encounters by suggesting ‘equal distance’ restaurants or other suitable meeting places (maybe some sponsorship opportunities here) and just as it paved the path to friendship, it’s a safe perishable conduit that’s easily terminated by one or the other party if they do not like each other after their first date.

It’s a far cry from what’s possible with the contact lens powered equipment seen in the short film "Sight", but its safer too – it’s a simple Facebook API powered AR solution.  Developers? Are you working on this? Please comment below if you have ideas about creating a dating AR interface.

Politics, Love, Trumpites and Dealbreakers

So... Donald Trump is the president elect.

Now imagine going on a first date with a Trumpite (Trump supporter) and not knowing that they are a Trump supporter when you agreed to the first date on POF, OKCupid or whatever personals website you use.

Depending on your political leanings, someone being a Trump supporter might be a Dealbreaker for you. (Dealbreakers are things you learn about a potential mate that cause you to want to dump them immediately. After all if you spot something wrong with them that will ultimately ruin the relationship, don't you owe it to yourself - and them - to break it off immediately?)

Or maybe you really love Trump (which makes you a Trumpite) and dating a fellow Trumpite sounds like an exciting prospect to you. And dating a Hillary supporter or any other sane person messes with your insane-Trump-loving brain.

Thus there a number of things people should check before they even go on a first date.

Possible Dealbreakers

#1. Are they a Trumpite?

#2. Are they a smoker?

#3. Are they an alcoholic or a drug addict?

#4. Do they support a woman's right to choose?

#5. Are they an omnivore? (Because dating a vegan can sometimes be a dealbreaker, while some vegans refuse to date omnivores.)

#6. Are they poor? (For golddiggers, this can be a dealbreaker if they only want to marry a rich person.)

#7. Are they gainfully employed? (For people who want to avoid golddiggers, this can be a dealbreaker if the other person doesn't even have a job.)

#8. Do they have any STDs? (Seriously, people need to be more upfront about this.)

#9. Are they a racist bigot / anti-semite / sexist pig? (Although the difference between this and a Trumpite is very little.)

#10. Are they just really stupid and stupid people annoy you? (Again, Trumpites...)

In other news, here are some amusing Trump memes.

Five Tips for Restaurant Dates

Tip #1. Never take your date to a fast food restaurant where there is a high chance the staff spit on the food. The only saliva in your date's mouth should be yours and theirs. Find a place more upscale where you are expected to tip the waiter.

Tip #2. On a first date men and women should do two things:

(1) Split the bill at the restaurant; (Arguably the best way to split the bill is to bring cash, although some people prefer debit or credit. Bring both.)

(2) Understand that if a man pays for everything and then expects a woman to automatically have sex with him, that basically makes her a prostitute. By splitting the bill (going Dutch) it also makes it clear the woman is interested in the man, and not in his money. If the man pays for everything and becomes really pushy about having sex, that coerciveness technically makes any sex that follows to legally count as "date rape". Smart women pay half. Smart men who want to be loved for being themselves, and not resort to paying for sex / date rape, should also pay half. And if a woman doesn't like it when a man wants to go Dutch, that woman is a golddigger and not worth dating.

Traditionalists may not want to hear these things, but hey date rape, prostitution, and golddiggers are all very traditional.

Tip #3. Chivalry isn't dead. Pull out the chair for the lady and help her out of her jacket. Chivalry is one tradition worth keeping.

Tip #4. Tip the waiter. Even if the service was bad.

10% for bad service.
15% for good service.

Tip #5. Polite dinner conversation. There are certain topics you should never discuss at a restaurant while on a date. Politics, religion, abortion, alien conspiracy theories, dead animals, murder, etc. If those topics come up by accident don't avoid the topic, but steer the conversation elsewhere.

Marriage and Popping the Question

By C. M., September 2016.

Last month I got married. Of all the long term relationships you can get into, marriage is the big one.

Thus popping the question about the big one should likewise be important.

My bride and I had discussed getting married and having kids multiple times prior to the rings, the preparations, the vows, etc. So when we finally decided to get married I never actually got down on one knee. Nor was I nervous about whether she would say yes. Having discussed the matter as a couple many times I was 100% certain this is what she wanted.

We discussed what kind of ring she wanted in a store, and I went there one Friday and made the order for a ring in her size.

We also discussed what kind of ring I wanted, and she later ordered it in my size online from a shop on Etsy. (I was rather peculiar about the kind of ring I wanted and I had to search online before finding one made of wood/titanium.)

Once the rings were on we started making preparations, choosing a wedding date, deciding where to get married, where to have a meal afterwards, the reception, how to decorate for the event, where to have our Honeymoon (Montreal), what to do about the cat while we are gone on our Honeymoon, etc.

I should note however that this was not my first rodeo. Nor my 2nd.

I was first engaged to get married when I was 20. Got the ring. Proposed on one knee under a blossoming apple tree. Cancelled the whole thing when I found out she was a psychopathic liar. Yada yada yada, she is crazy and I want nothing to do with her.

The second time I was 26. I was more cautious about getting engaged that time around. Never got the ring. Never got down on one knee. Discussed getting married many times, made plans to get married while we were traveling overseas together (we wanted a traditional Korean wedding with the Hanbok et al, which is unusual because neither one of us was Korean), and we had discussed getting remarried in different traditional weddings for each country we traveled to...

Which is a fun idea I still like. It would be like visiting Vegas and renewing our vows there with an Elvis impersonator.

But alas that second time was not to be. While I was cautious about that relationship, I think I was wise to be cautious. She had no career goals and as time went by we drifted apart. I had no interest in marrying someone who didn't have aspirations to do something for a career, and she had developed a horrible gaming addiction. As far as I know she is probably living in her parents basement by now, playing video games all the time. That relationship also lasted seven years, to the point that we were practically married anyway and the final breakup was more like a divorce but without all the lawyers.

So when it finally came time to try again (3rd time is the charm) I was 37.

Took my sweet time finding the right one.

And yet never popped the question. Not really. Just discussed it a lot and then got the ring.

I should note that she did not tell her mother or anyone else we were getting married until she had the ring to prove it. So I guess me coming home from the store with the ring (and the warranty) was "the moment" it all became real.

I know other people have done it different ways.

  1. My cousin proposed to his wife while rollerblading. He wore kneepads while rollerblading, so he didn't hurt his knees when kneeling.
  2. A friend of mine proposed on Valentines Day. Rented a fancy hotel room. Sprinkled it with rose petals, bought champagne, spelled Marry Me using rose petals, the whole deal.
  3. Another friend proposed at his then-girlfriend's birthday party, in front of her parents. Prior to that she had adamantly declared that she would never get married and said she did not believe in marriage. Apparently his plan worked, they are now married.
So there are a variety of ways to go about the whole process of "popping the question".

  • Outdoors Vs Indoors.
  • Private Proposal Vs Large Event (eg. Family Event)
  • Romantic or Somewhat Silly

And then there are those idiots who propose at baseball games in front of a large crowd and a television audience of millions. (I wonder what percentage of those proposals end in her saying yes on television and changing her mind later on...)

There should definitely be some places you never propose...

#1. Never propose at a funeral.

#2. Never propose at someone else's wedding or birthday, etc. (Someone other than your intended bride.) Why? Because you are taking the spotlight away from the people who are actually getting married or from their birthday, you dolt!

#3. Never propose while one or both of you are drunk, high, heavily medicated, super tired (prone to suggestion), etc.



No seriously. It is not a real tradition that the man has to do the proposing. Women have been proposing marriage since the dawn of marriage. Heck, it is probably women who came up with the whole idea of marriage - which is essentially a social contract to ensure the man doesn't ignore his parental responsibilities to his wife and kids.

Modern marriage also allow for same-sex marriages, so that when they get married they have parental custody and responsibility of their kids, whether they use sperm donors to get pregnant or adopt a kid, marriage is ultimately the cornerstone of having children and making sure they are provided for.

Now while some people do have childless marriages, the core principle and purpose of marriage is to try and form a "family unit", which can take a variety of shapes and have many types. Some childless marriages could simply mean they are trying to adopt. Or perhaps they are hoping to live vicariously through their nieces and nephews. Who knows.

Thoughts on any of the above? The comments section is below.

Jian Ghomeshi, the Sexual Predator and why "Not Guilty" does not mean Innocent

When meeting new lovers, especially via online personals, a common thing women do is try to assess whether the person they are meeting is a sexual predator or a violent offender.

Jian Ghomeshi is both, admitting to both choking and slapping women, and then claiming that it was consensual. And yet five women, all women Jian Ghomeshi partnered with in the past, all say that he choked, slapped and physically abused them.

Victim #1

Victim #2

Victim #3
Victim #4

Victim #5

And there are two more women who came forward with allegations, but the crown prosecutors decided their stories lacked enough evidence to hold up in court. So really there should also be:

Victim #6

Victim #7.

Plus any other victims who decided not to come forward. 90% of sexual assault victims never come forward. Mathematically that means there is likely 70 victims total and only 7 decided to come forward.

Then you have the friends and co-workers of the women.

Five victims multiplied by the number of people who witnessed bruises, listened to the stories of his victims, and even people who witnessed the abuse first hand but for whatever reason did nothing.

The sheer amount of testimonial evidence against Jian Ghomeshi is staggering, and yet, earlier today he was declared "not guilty" because of a technicality. Two of the victims had communicated to each other and compared what had happened to them, which the judge felt tainted their stories in what happened, and that cast suspicion on the matter of reasonable doubt.

In July 2014 Jian Ghomeshi revealed that he had a teddy bear named Big Ears. He said the bear helped him deal with his generalized anxiety disorder.

Note - Generalized Anxiety Disorder (or GAD) is characterized by excessive, exaggerated anxiety and worry about everyday life events with no obvious reasons for worry. People with symptoms of generalized anxiety disorder tend to always expect disaster and can't stop worrying about health, money, family, work, or school.

Symptoms of Generalized Anxiety Disorder include uncontrollable anxiety, frustration, anger issues, inability to relax, violent outbursts, feeling of being overwhelmed, difficulty concentrating, difficulty sleeping, muscle aches, jumpy, restless, sudden mood changes, nausea, diarrhea.

Oddly enough the violent outbursts listed in the symptom is considered by some to be helpful, letting the person with GAD release some of their anxiety - which sadly means they might be taking it out on their victims. 

The teddy bear apparently helped Jian relax and reduced his symptoms, but it was by no means a cure.

Two of Jian's victims say that after being invited to his house and before he proceeded to assault her,  Jian Ghomeshi turned the bear to the wall and said, "Big Ears Teddy shouldn’t see this."

Wow. That is really creepy.

Also, it is the kind of thing people wouldn't make up.

Who would make up a story about being sexually assaulted and saying that their attacker talked to his teddy bear before he proceeded to assault them? Nobody would make up such nonsense.

Lets pretend for a moment that the women really did compare what happened to them, there is logically either one of two options:

#1. Both women really did witness Jian Ghomeshi talk to his teddy bear before sexually assaulting them.

#2. Only one of the women did witness Jian Ghomeshi talk to his teddy bear before sexually assaulting her, and the other woman embellished her story by adding that part.

There really is no third option, because nobody would make up a story about him talking to his teddy bear.

Logically this means that Jian Ghomeshi is guilty. However because the law doesn't always follow the rules of logic, he was found not guilty due to a technicality - which goes to that whole problem of reasonable doubt.

Everyone know Jian Ghomeshi did it, he even admits to it, but he claims it was consensual. Except he has seven victims, 3 of which testified in the court case that ended today. In June a new court case will go forward with 2 more victims.

Logically, after comparing all of the victims and their allegations you start to see a trend, a MO (modus operandi) - which means method of operation. Serial sex offenders tend to change and refine their techniques over the years, often developing a pattern of operation.

In Jian Ghomeshi's case police and lawyers can see a very obvious trend. Get the women alone, slap them, choke them if necessary, and then sexually assault them. No mention of obtaining consent.

In Canada our laws concerning sexual consent are very clear. If the woman says no at any time, it means consent has not been given and anything that occurs afterwards is considered to be a sexual assault.

Multiple women said no. Multiple women came forward with allegations that they had been victimized by a creepy psychopath. And so far Jian Ghomeshi has escaped justice from 3 of those women.

Jian Ghomeshi is not innocent. That much is clear. Not guilty does not mean innocent. Not guilty simply means there isn't enough evidence to convict.

And this ladies is why you should worry about dating any person you believe to have violent tendencies. Jian Ghomeshi included.

Sexual predators are all around us. One in three Canadian women are sexually assaulted at some point in there lifetime, but that doesn't mean that one in three men are doing such horrible things. No, it is the serial sex offenders who have abused 70 or more women that are causing such problems.

Some sex offenders in the system are what should properly be called sex offender addicts. They are addicted to harming other people. It doesn't matter whether they only abuse 10 people or 500 people, they are all addicts.

And Jian Ghomeshi is now known to be one of them.

Before going out on a date with someone you have never met before you really should:

#1. Google their name. Find out if they have any past history of violence or criminal activity. Usually it will be in newspaper articles if they have done something truly violent.

#2. Check their Facebook profile. See if they are posting anything that sets off any warning bells or red flags (or even just general deal breakers relationship wise).

#3. Trust your instincts. If the person does seem creepy to you for whatever reasons, just drop the conversation and give up on them.

There are many more people out there, some of them are like Jian Ghomeshi, but chances are likely that most of them are normal, relatively honest and worth your time.