10 Tips for Dating Asian People in Canada

Okay, so let us pretend for a moment you meet an Asian woman or man - and you are white and born/raised in Canada. This happens quite often amongst young people living in Canada's multicultural cities, but many of these relationships end because they feel they are "too different" and ignores the possibility that these two people might be perfect together, but their cultures won't let them.

So if you want to have a serious relationship with someone who is Asian (or African, or Middle Eastern, or Kryptonian - honestly, these tips will help any couple with a case of Culture Shock Love). Here are the tips:

#1. Meet their friends first, before you meet their family members. This is an important stepping stone in a relationship (any relationship). It shows you are serious about the relationship.

#2. Find the things you have in common - sports you both do, activities you both, a love of art / art galleries, and build upon that connection. So for example if you are in Toronto and you both love visiting art galleries make a weekly effort to go many of Toronto's art galleries. This connection will cement the idea that you two really do have things in common and are not so different as society would like you to believe.

#3. Avoid Stereotypes and Pitfalls - Jokes or comments about martial arts, jokes that start with "Confucius say", etc. You should also try to avoid the following things:
  • Guessing his or her ethnicity based on their appearance. Guessing is rude, but you shouldn't just assume either.
  • Asking "So what is your real name?" Isabel might be her real name her parents gave her.
  • Bow in an Asian manner. You're not in Asia so stop bowing. Do that when you visit his parents in China.
  • Say anything like "You're pretty strong for an Asian guy" or "Wow, you sure drink a lot for an Asian chick". If you don't know why that is wrong, you should not be dating them.
  • Spend way too much time checking our her hair. Straight black hair is not such a big deal.
  • Tell her about all the other Asian girls you dated. You wouldn't do this with a white girl, so don't do it with an Asian girl.
  • Don't assume that his family is poor. While it might have been true in the past that Asian immigrants were poor, these days it is the opposite. Asian immigrants coming to Canada these days are often quite wealthy or at least well-to-do.
#4. Do NOT Get Language Lessons - Honestly, this is one of the worst things you can do. At least don't do this in the first 6 months. Don't even mention the idea. This is something you do later, after the relationship is already serious and you are perhaps even living together.

#5. Don't assume that because they are Asian that they speak other Asian languages too - like asking a Japanese person if they also speak Korean or Chinese. In fact, don't assume they even speak Japanese unless they say they do.

#6. Don't Make A Big Deal of your Language Skills - Lets pretend you already know how to speak Japanese, Korean, Mandarin, Cantonese, Vietnamese, etc. Regardless of your level of knowledge, avoid making a big deal about it. Your relationship together should not be based on the fact that you already speak semi-fluent Japanese.

#7. Don't Correct their English unless they ask you to. Yes, they might still be learning, but you don't need to be constantly correcting their English unless they want that extra help.

#8. Treat them like you would any other person. The mistakes people make in Culture Shock relationships is that they make a big deal out of the differences, and this plants the idea that you really are too different to be together. And it is not the culture that is at stake here, it is your obsession with the different cultural differences and treating them differently because of it that will drive you two apart.

#9. Don't watch TV shows like "Fresh Off The Boat" together. Yes, it is a funny show, but watching that together is just weird.

However watching a TV show like "The Walking Dead", which has an interracial couple in it as part of the main cast - but they are not the primary focus of the show, is okay.

On the other hand, watching a show like Marco Polo - that show is over the line. So don't go there.

#10. Don't go to Asian restaurants unless they suggest it first. Go to normal restaurants. Showing an obsession with wanting to visit Asian restaurants all the time indicates you are more interested in his or her background and skin colour than you are in them as a person.

BONUS TIP - When introducing them to your parents, don't mention what their ethnic background is. Their first name is enough. Mention what they do for a living or what they are studying in school - the same things you would do for any other person.

The end result?

Treat them like a person. Treating people differently because of their ethnic background in insensitive and will result in them feeling like you don't really care about them as a person. Show that you care about who they are and that will show you are serious about a relationship with them as a person.

TrueLoveBites.ca - New Domain Name

Yesterday we registered TrueLoveBites.ca, our new Domain Name. We did so because the website recently surpassed 90,000 hits and we figured we should get a proper domain name before we reach the big 100,000 mark - which we should reach in the next 2 or 3 months.

As such we will continue to bring people relationship advice, reviews on personals websites, how to guides and more - but we will be bringing a more Canadian-centric perspective to some of our posts with articles like "10 Hot Places for Dates in Toronto", "7 Great Romantic Getaways in Canada", "Where are the Best Romantic Restaurants in Montreal?", "Americans Dating Canadians - The Woes of Long Distance Relationships", and even reviews of movies (rom coms, aka romantic comedies) showing in Canada. This is nothing new as we have mentioned Canada and various Canadian cities / locations in the past, but we will be adding more Canadian-centric articles in the future.

And as usual TrueLoveBites.ca will continue to post humour and our dose of relationship wit as well.

The photo below is from the Old Mill Hotel in Toronto.

Badoo Sucks and I will tell you why

When I bought my last cellphone it came with an app on it called Badoo, which is a dating / personals app designed to help attractive people meet other attractive people who live nearby - with no value based on personality and only a tiny bit based on their interests.

Having been on Badoo for 2.5 years now I have long since concluded that Badoo (both the app and the website) suck at matching people up. And I shall explain why.

#1. The app is mostly for sharing photos, something you could do on Twitter or Facebook. The difference is that if your photos don't show your face then they get deleted. So photos of you doing anything or wearing anything that obscures your face will automatically get deleted. What does get shown however is lots of mirror selfies, selfies and boring headshots - and only those that get voted on and get high votes for attractiveness are shown. That means all the personality is taken out and what is left is juried acceptability.

#2. There is no section to talk about yourself. This is a big part of other personals websites / apps like POF or OK Cupid. On Badoo you are being asked to judge people almost solely on their looks, which means you are guessing their personality based upon appearance - which as we all know is a highly inaccurate method.

#3. There is a small section for interests where people often state they like Music or Laughing or many other things that basically everyone likes doing. For fun I should go on there and add that I like Money and Free Stuff, because everyone likes having those things too.

#4. Communication sucks too. One of the things the app / website does is it lets people know when someone else likes them, but if you want to communicate with them you have to pay for it. Another feature is when two people like each others photos it lets you know that you both turned your keys effectively, and you can communicate for free, but to do so you need to overcome the awkwardness of "So... We both liked the other person's photo but I know diddly squat about your personality. How do I know you are not a psycho?"

#5. The more you use Badoo the more you realize POF and OK Cupid are infinitely better. Badoo is basically a time waster for looking at photos, rarely communicating with people and the chances of you meeting one of them in person is nil because it is by far the creepiest app to have a conversation on. POF and OK Cupid at least have personality profiles to base a conversation on and thereby avoid the awkward creepiness.

As a review, I give Badoo 0 stars out of 5. It doesn't deserve a single star and it is past time I deleted it from my phone.

In contrast I give POF 4 stars out of 5 and OK Cupid 5 stars out of 5.

Valentines is coming, Rose Colour Meanings + Bizarre Black Tar Rose

Today is February 1st which means Valentines is coming soon.

Which means your lover may try to get you some roses. (I like chocolate roses myself, when you are tired of looking at them you can just eat them. What girl or guy wouldn`t want chocolate roses???)

But lets pretend you are more of a traditionalist who wants something more meaningful?

Or maybe you're single and have decided to spend Valentines with a single friend (just friends) and you want to get them something that signifies friendship. Hint hint, yellow roses = friendship.

The Meaning of Rose Colours

Colours have profound meanings to us in society.  Throughout history colours have been used to signify royalty or high standing (purple in Ancient Rome) or purity (white is the first choice for religious groups in many different societies).  Colours have significant psychological effects on us and can change our mood, our energy and our emotions.  This same principle has been applied to roses over the years.  When one gives a rose to another person they are not just giving a flower, they are also conveying a coded meaning that can be deciphered by looking at the colour of the rose.  Most people know that red roses mean 'I Love You', but does it mean anything else and what do the other colours mean?

Red Roses

When we think of roses we always think of a red rose and it is the most common rose given on Valentine's day.  Red roses are meant to convey the following meanings: passion, beauty, courage and respect.  With so many connotations it is no wonder the red rose is used so much.  It can be used to tell a person that you have fallen in love with them or to tell another person that you are proud that they graduated from college.

Orange Roses

Being a mix of yellow and red, orange roses are more rare and signify love. This doesn't mean they are the "friends with benefits roses", orange roses are a mix of both friendship and love and therefore to be cherished.

Yellow Roses

Friendship! Huzzah! Really only useful on Valentines if you want to give them to a friend who is just a friend in every sense of the word. None of this "friends with benefits" nonsense.

Pink Roses

Pink roses are used to tell another that you appreciate them, to convey grace and to describe a feeling of happiness. Pink roses are used to indicate platonic feelings of caring and joy.  You might give pink roses to your grandmother on her birthday to show that you care and enjoy her company.

Blue Roses

Blue roses are actually just white roses which have been dyed blue. They signify intelligence, creativity and uniqueness.

Lavender Roses

Lavender roses are a rare type and are not usually thought of at all when one thinks of roses.    When one gives a lavender rose to another the giver is telling the recipient that they have fallen in love at first sight or that they are enchanted with the recipient.  You may want to give it on a first date to express your infatuation to your hopefully future girlfriend or boyfriend.

White Roses

Signify purity, marriage, children, a bond of family.

Turkish Black Rose during the summer months.

Turkish Black Rose when not in season.
Black Roses

A black rose is extremely rare.  In fact, there is only one variety and it can be found only in Turkey.  It is called the Halfati rose, named after the village that is grown in, and is truly black only in the summer months.  In the other seasons that rose appears to be deep crimson.  The rose only grows in that region because of the particular pH balance found near the Euphrates river.  It will only last for 1 week when cut.  To the Turks, the Halfati rose represents deep passion and death, so the rose could be given to a lover or as a warning to your enemies (try not to mix them up).

Given the extreme rarity of the Halfati rose, it may be a good idea to try to find other sources of black roses if you are so inclined to give them. eg. You could dye them black somehow. A local flat roofing company may be your best bet.  They can make a black rose for you by dipping a rose in roof tar in mere seconds.  The result is a black rose that will last forever.  Though it may not smell as good as the  Halfati rose, it will be much easier on your wallet.

I found out about the black tar roses on the Arob 12 website, but if you want to try making your own then I recommend reading How to make Black Roses using Roofing Tar.

I also found another source that tried using some kind of waterproofing material from a basement waterproofing company, but the results from their experiment ended up looking horrible so I don't recommend trying to make a black rose that way.

Honestly, given the choices, I would personally probably go for the chocolate roses made from chocolate icing.