The Instant Connection
Recently I read an article titled "Is it wrong to kiss on the first date?" in which the author claimed she followed two rules:
#1. She doesn't kiss until at least the third date.
#2. She doesn't have sex until the 6th or 7th date (depending on comfort level).
To which I responded to by thinking about every long term relationship I have ever had and have since concluded the person who wrote the above mentioned article has a very different set of rules.
1997-1998 - Kissed on the first date.
1999-2000 - Kissed on the first date.
2000 - Kissed on the second date.
2001 - Kissed on the first date.
2001-2003 - Kissed on the first date.
2003-2009 - Kissed on the first date.
2010-2011 - Kissed on the first date.
2011-2012 - Kissed on the first date.
2013-Present - Kissed on the first date.
I don't kiss and tell so I will also just vaguely say that more than 1 of these long term relationships involved some sort of sexual activity (light petting or more) on the first date or within the first 3 dates.
You may notice also that in 2000 I had one date where we kissed on the second date instead of the first. That relationship only lasted 5 months and was comparatively short as long term relationships go. (Maybe it should be classified as a mid term relationship?)
You may recall I even wrote an article awhile back on the topic of Three Dates Equals Sex. Which basically goes to the concept that if you haven't had sex by the 3rd date, then the other person will probably get bored of you because they are not feeling a connection.
People want that Instant Connection. They want Love at First Sight or whatever you want to call it.
It has been my experience that relationships that last only 1 or 2 dates have little or no physical or emotional attachment to go with them. People get bored of the other person because they aren't getting that Instant Connection / Love at First Sight feeling.
That said however, I should point out that you should ONLY kiss someone during a first date if you are actually getting that feeling.
And if you still are not getting that feeling by the 2nd date, it is time to let the other person know you just aren't feeling it for them. If you are certain it will never happen after the first date, let them know immediately. No point wasting their time / hurting their feelings.
And don't be a jerk and just plain avoid them. Refusing to answer emails, texts or phone calls is just lame and shows you have a complete lack of empathy for other people. It is cold and heartless.
Tell them you are not interested in a 2nd date, let them down easy and wish them best of luck.
"Sorry I am not interested in a 2nd date. I wish you best of luck however." Easy. Short enough to go in a text message if you are too cowardly to tell them any other way.
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