Funny Text Message Breakups

"It is not ewe, it is mi. Aye think we shud brake up."

"You were mean to my cat so I am breaking up with you."

"I will give you two choices. Either we can break up or I can cheat on you. Pick one."

"I can't stand it when guys whine during breakups so I have decided to just stop talking to you."

"How do I block someone on my phone? Namely you?"

"I think you and I could have been friends in another lifetime. What say we just be friends in another lifetime okay?"

"I have decided I want to see other people who are more attractive than you."

"You aren't funny or smart enough. I need someone who is witty, not twitty."

"So... wanna have breakup sex?"

"I have concluded you never bathe and I can't date Pigpen."

"You are a sex god(dess) and I don't want to be in a relationship based solely on sex."

"I cheated on you and got a STD. I think we should break up."

"Remember how we discussed having a threesome with another woman? Well I tried it without you and I have decided I prefer women over men."

"You wouldn't let me cut your hair so I am breaking up with you."

"I am leaving the country and going to Splitsvanistan. Goodbye."

"You and me were never meant to be so I think we should forget it ever happened."

"I think we should make like a banana and split."

"Break ups are hard, but it is much easier for me if I just end it now via text message."

"You kiss like an overly friendly dog and now I have fleas. If you come near me again I am calling the pound."

"I wish we could reverse time and never go out."

"Monkeys kiss better than you do. Maybe you should date a chimp instead."

"I found your p*** collection. You are so dumped."

"I need a man who is more like Mr Grey. You and me are Fifty Shades of Splitsville."

"What does you, me and Ukraine have in common?"

"I thought you and I would never break up but that was before I found out you were a loser."

"How dare you make fun of Mr Darcy! He is the perfect man and you are a loser who just got dumped."

"Sorry I don't go out on 2nd dates with losers who get dumped on the first date."

"You broke up with me before via text message so I am dumping you via text message so you can see what it is like."

7 Great Romantic Getaways in Canada

1. Lover's Arch, New Brunswick

Lover's Arch at the Hopewell Rocks in New Brunswick has to be one of best locations in Eastern Canada for geology lovers. Experiencing all that natural beauty is sure to bring a rock-loving couple closer together.

2. Le Grand Cru, Quebec

Enjoy dinner for two on Le Grand Cru. Cruise along lovely Lake Memphrémagog on this luxury excursion boat while you sip on fine wine, enjoy top-notch cuisine and take in the beauty that surrounds Quebec's Eastern Townships.

3. Banff Upper Hot Springs, Alberta

Experience the 1930s alpine charm at the Banff Upper Hot Springs in Alberta and go skiing with your lover as you take in the breathtaking views. Soak with your sweetie in natural steamy hot spring water surrounded by big blue skies and stunning views of the Rockies.

4. Reesor Ranch, Saskatchewan

Reesor Ranch in Saskatchewan's Cypress Hills offers a kickback cowboy experience perfect for any city slicker, especially couples who want to try something new and authentic.

5. Blachford Lake Lodge, Northwest Territories

Travel by dogsled – and take a turn at driving the dog team yourself – from Blachford Lake Lodge, near Yellowknife, NWT, to one of its heated prospector tents for an overnight camp out. Definitely more for couples who love a rustic getaway and a new experience!

6. Sonora Resort, British Columbia

The view as you fly by helicopter into British Columbia's Sonora Resort – one of the country's finest when it comes to marrying the best in wilderness and luxury – is catch-your-breath beautiful. Bald eagles and grizzly bears are often spotted, so keep your eyes peeled as you fly closer.

7. CN Tower EdgeWalk, Ontario

Toronto's thrilling new EdgeWalk at the CN Tower is definitely not for the faint of heart. But for couples (or even newlyweds) who love a good rush of heart-pounding excitement – and who have no fear of heights – this is a must do.

Attractiveness, Kissing and Oral Health

First let us start with an image on how to kiss with braces... the answer? French kissing and use lots of tongue. Avoid having the teeth even near each other.

Otherwise the next step is to talk about oral health.

Seriously, would you date someone who has bad teeth? Would you kiss someone who has teeth that look like they were a chain smoker who never brushed their teeth EVER???

I call it the Bad Teeth Bogus Photo Problem. They look fine in their photos on the personals website, but when you meet them in person you discover they never showed their teeth in any of the photos online. It is just as bad as people who photoshop their images or people who use old photos of themselves from 10+ years ago.

Be honest, if you're like me then you'd probably look at their teeth and then start looking for a way to get away from them. ("So... do you like Hannibal Lecter? Because I love Silence of the Lambs and all those movies. Serial killers are awesome." That should scare them away quickly.)

And then there is the matter that bad teeth is a strong indicator that the person has problems with cleaning and doing chores. After all, if they cannot be bothered to brush their teeth regularly how often do they shower, take out the garbage, vacuum the floors, do their laundry, exercise, etc. People who are lazy about their teeth are often lazy about other factors in their life - which makes them poor choices when you are looking for a long term partner.

So what can you do to improve the quality of your teeth? Well the following page: Oral Health connected to Overall Health gives a list of 12 things to do to improve your teeth.

#1. Brush 2 to 3 times daily.

#2. Floss daily.

#3. Eat healthier meals that contain less sugar.

#4. Eat healthier snacks in-between meals.

#5. Rinse out your mouth regularly with anti-bacterial mouthwash.

#6. Chew sugar-free gum (removes bacteria from your mouth).

#7. If you are a smoker, stop smoking.

#8. Replace your toothbrush every 3 to 4 months.

#9. Schedule dental checkups regularly.

#10. Find a dentist you actually LIKE (this improves your odds of going there).

#11. Contact your dentist immediately if you have an oral health emergency. Don't delay and wait for it to get worse.

#12. If you don't have dental insurance from your workplace, look into getting dental insurance.

The above mentioned page mentions Archer Dental, a local Toronto dentist which has two locations in Rosedale and Runnymede - was voted the Best Dentist in 2013 by NOW Magazine, has 4 stars on Yelp, and is listed as The Best Dentist in Toronto by Product Reviews Canada. So if you're looking for a good dentist, start with the best.

After all when it comes to first dates and first kisses, attractiveness and nice teeth really are important. Why not put your best effort into keeping your teeth healthy and attractive?

Would you date a deaf person?


Years ago I dated a deaf girl. For me this was not too big of a deal, as I already have hearing difficulties. So it was like one deaf person who knew sign language dating one partially deaf person who was learning sign language. Communication for us was not the problem. What I discovered early in the relationship it was her religiousness and clingy-ness that bothered me. Being religious and clingy is not a good combination.

Communication for us included a combination of sign language and writing / typing things down when it was too complicated to discuss using my limited knowledge of sign language. Note - I studied sign language for years before I met her. My interest in sign language dated back to making a male friend in university who was deaf and this sparked my interest in learning the language.

For me, since I have suffered from hearing damage since the age of 12, learning sign language also seemed like a logical step in case I ever needed it in the future. What if I went deaf sometime in the future and was no longer able to communicate so easily. I would need to learn how to read lips, sign language and so forth.

Much more likely I am probably going to need hearing aids as I get older, in which case I am in luck because I already know an audiologist in Mississauga, who has a hearing clinic in Oakville and another hearing center in Vaughan near Woodbridge. Very nice guy who checked my ears over a year ago to see how bad the damage had gotten.

At the time I was single and I began thinking "What if I went deaf? Who would date a deaf guy?" Well obviously deaf women would be willing to date me, but that really limits my options.

In the past during first dates I have sometimes mentioned my hearing difficulties and I have found that some women react poorly to the idea of dating a guy whom they would sometimes have to repeat what they said in a louder voice or stop mumbling so much.

The one girl got really upset when I explained that she mumbles a bit and that it was difficult for me to hear exactly what she was saying. Which is perhaps understandable. Maybe she got teased as a child for having a speech impediment.

In which case you would think she would have more sympathy for the kid who got teased for having hearing difficulties. But apparently not.

I don't mind telling the story of how my hearing got damaged. It is a funny story involving trespassing and someone shooting at me. If the topic of funny stories comes up it is a story I am not ashamed to tell.

But I do wonder if some women react badly to the idea of dating someone who is either deaf or has hearing damage.

I also firmly believe that if I wore a hearing aid that this would be considered a flaw in my visual appearance by some women and they would refuse to date a person who wears a hearing aid.

So my question for people out there is

"Would you date a person who is deaf or has hearing difficulties? Why or why not?"

Please leave your answers in the comments.

5 Ways to Spot if your Date is a Serial Killer

Awhile back I wrote a post titled "5 Ways to Spot a Serial Dater" during which I commented that I should make a post titled "5 Ways to Spot if your Date is a Serial Killer".

So yes, here it is...

#1. You are on the date and you notice your date is carrying surgical gloves.

#2. He or she invites you over and then goes down into the dark, gloomy basement - and is gone for unusually long periods of time. (Tip: Don't go down there!)

#3. They are unusually clean - like beyond OCD clean, I am talking like Hannibal Lecter clean. Call it one of those weird hallmarks of serial killers, they are unusually fastidious. They make "Mr Clean" look dirty and normal.

#4. The person you are dating is "too good to be true", lives alone, owns property and has lots of disposable income - which means they have lots of land to bury the bodies, lots of money to buy weapons/tasers/pepperspray/etc...  and yet they're wasting their time with you??? Something is wrong!

#5. They drive a plain white van with blacked out windows. That is probable cause right there.


Halloween is a great time of year to meet New Lovers

Want to meet a potential new lover?

Start by going to Halloween parties.

And actually put some effort into your Halloween costume.

You can even go to Halloween themed events hosted by various local clubs.

For example you could go to Spooky Poetry Night, hosted by the Toronto Poetry Club on October 30th.

RSVP by visiting :)

The Instant Connection

If you've experienced what it is like to meet someone and have an instant connection (sometimes known as love at first sight) then you will understand that sometimes people also get impatient and kiss on that first date.

Recently I read an article titled "Is it wrong to kiss on the first date?" in which the author claimed she followed two rules:

#1. She doesn't kiss until at least the third date.

#2. She doesn't have sex until the 6th or 7th date (depending on comfort level).

To which I responded to by thinking about every long term relationship I have ever had and have since concluded the person who wrote the above mentioned article has a very different set of rules.

1997-1998 - Kissed on the first date.

1999-2000 - Kissed on the first date.

2000 - Kissed on the second date.

2001 - Kissed on the first date.

2001-2003 - Kissed on the first date.

2003-2009 - Kissed on the first date.

2010-2011 - Kissed on the first date.

2011-2012 - Kissed on the first date.

2013-Present - Kissed on the first date.

I don't kiss and tell so I will also just vaguely say that more than 1 of these long term relationships involved some sort of sexual activity (light petting or more) on the first date or within the first 3 dates.

You may notice also that in 2000 I had one date where we kissed on the second date instead of the first. That relationship only lasted 5 months and was comparatively short as long term relationships go. (Maybe it should be classified as a mid term relationship?)

You may recall I even wrote an article awhile back on the topic of Three Dates Equals Sex. Which basically goes to the concept that if you haven't had sex by the 3rd date, then the other person will probably get bored of you because they are not feeling a connection.

People want that Instant Connection. They want Love at First Sight or whatever you want to call it.

It has been my experience that relationships that last only 1 or 2 dates have little or no physical or emotional attachment to go with them. People get bored of the other person because they aren't getting that Instant Connection / Love at First Sight feeling.

That said however, I should point out that you should ONLY kiss someone during a first date if you are actually getting that feeling.

And if you still are not getting that feeling by the 2nd date, it is time to let the other person know you just aren't feeling it for them. If you are certain it will never happen after the first date, let them know immediately. No point wasting their time / hurting their feelings.

And don't be a jerk and just plain avoid them. Refusing to answer emails, texts or phone calls is just lame and shows you have a complete lack of empathy for other people. It is cold and heartless.

Tell them you are not interested in a 2nd date, let them down easy and wish them best of luck.

"Sorry I am not interested in a 2nd date. I wish you best of luck however." Easy. Short enough to go in a text message if you are too cowardly to tell them any other way.

5 Ways to Spot a Serial Dater

Note - I should also make a post called "5 Ways to Spot if your Date is a Serial Killer".

Anywho a Serial Dater is a person who goes on lots of first dates, but rarely has a 2nd date. Basically if you go on a first date with a serial dater you are just wasting your time because right away they have zero interest in having a relationship with you (because they are commitment-phobes).

Here is how to spot them and avoid them.

#1. Serial Daters love meeting people for coffee or tea. They don't have to spend much on the date, it has zero commitment (because serial daters are afraid of commitment) and if their first impressions are poor they can use a Fake Out ("Oh oh I just got a text and my dog is sick. I need to leave...").
So Lesson 1, NEVER meet anyone for coffee or tea. If they are so afraid of commitment that they cannot commit to a real date, don't even bother with them. They will just waste your time.

#2. Serial Daters love using the Fake Out. Any excuse for them to leave in the middle of a date and then never talk to you again. Often the excuse will be the equivalent of "My dog ate my homework." but more likely you will get the "My roommate just broke up with her boyfriend and I need to go console her."

People that use the Fake Out basically just want to meet you in person so they can see whether your photos were real and then have an escape plan if you are not up to their standards and/or they find you boring. So Lesson 2, never meet anyone for a date unless they are genuinely interested in you and it is clearly obvious in your communications together (email, text, phone, skype, whatever).

#3. Serial Daters don't like spending much time talking back and forth. They just chat a little bit and then quickly pop the tea/coffee question.

So Lesson 3, don't meet anyone right away. Exchange longer messages / emails first to see how talkative and interesting they are. And if they are genuinely interested in you they will want a more romantic first date than crappy coffee/tea. See Lesson 2 over again.

#4. Serial Daters are sometimes looking for one night stands. On the 2nd date... Sometimes the 1st date but often the 2nd. It is a weird phenomenon, but lets pretend you make it past the coffee date and they do want a 2nd date. The 2nd date will be something friskier and usually end up at YOUR place. Why your place? I think it is because bringing yoi home to their place sounds like too much commitment. Then you know where they live and can just drop by whenever you want and that sounds like commitment to them.

Thus let us pretend you convince them to have a date other than a coffee date (eg. You have a picnic at the beach instead and it goes well, and possibly includes kissing and light petting.) When asked about a 2nd date the Serial Dater will typically refuse to give a definite answer and will say "we can discuss it later" and then you never hear from them again.

But the other possibility is that they do want you for sex (at least once) and then you make it to the 2nd date, you have sex, and then you either never hear from them again or they give you some lame excuse for why they cannot see you again. More often you just won't hear from them again.

Now you might think "Wow, the pressure is on to make that one night of sex really good." and you are partially right. But if it is too good they might think you are some kind of weird freaky sex fiend, and decide you are obsessed with sex.

So Lesson 4, don't have sex on the 2nd date. I know that may seem counterintuitive to some people out there who love having sex on the first or second date, but trust me on this one. Do a really good job on the 2nd date, kissing, maybe some heavy petting - but stick to foreplay or less because you want to make them WAIT for the third date. Call it "playing hard to get", but if you can get them to go on the third date then BAM, third date equals commitment. (3rd date is also the best date to have sex too. Delay any longer and people get bored.)

#5. Serial Daters usually don't have a good track record of long term relationships. Often they just date date date different people, sometimes fill their loneliness with an one night stand and then go back to serial dating again. So how do you determine which people have a bad track record?

Lesson 5, ask the following questions BEFORE you agree to a first date.

When was the last time you had a long term relationship and how long did it last?

Your longest relationship, how long did it last?

It doesn't really matter how they answer these questions because they could be lying. What matters is what they do when they realize you are looking for a long term relationship. Any commitment-phobe who is remotely honest with themselves will come up with an excuse to cancel the first date so they don't need to meet you. The delusional commitment-phobes will still want to meet you because they are in denial about being a Serial Dater and like to pretend they want a long term relationship.

But hey, Lesson 5 should cut the number of Serial Daters you meet roughly in half.

Exercise and Common Lies people post on Personals

Ever read a profile on a personals website and the person lists the following as exercise activities they enjoy regularly?

  1. Long walks (exploring the city, by the beach, etc)
  2. Yoga
  3. Hiking (implies long walks in the wilderness)
  4. Biking or cycling
  5. Weightlifting
  6. Martial arts (any kind)

Chances are likely the following things are true:

The person rarely goes for long walks and are just saying that because they want the appearance of being active.

They probably so own a yoga mat, but it spends most of its time collecting dust.

They don't know what real hiking is and they are saying hiking because they think their ideal mate should be outdoorsy.

They own a bicycle but only ride it once in awhile - never on bike trails, never downtown, just 3 - 10 times per year on quiet streets or down by the beach.

It is typical guy thing to say they do weightlifting - it means they have dumbbells but probably don't use them often. Much more rare for women to say they do weightlifting.

Any time a man says he does martial arts it mean he took one class years ago and has probably forgotten everything.


  • They have actual photos of them doing these activities.
  • They make a big deal about talking about the activity in their profile. (Yoga is my life, I cannot live without it!)
  • They listed "yoga instructor" as their occupation.
  • They are a rarity and were not lying about their activities. Otherwise you can assume most of them are exaggerating how often they do an activity.

In some cases it is the person lying to themselves. They WISH they were more active. Which is true for most of us.

Do's and Don'ts of Dating Vegans and Vegetarians

So... You're dating a vegetarian or vegan eh? Well here are some handy do's and don'ts for making your relationship go smoothly.

Do take your date out to various vegan / vegetarian restaurants on a regular basis. So for example if they're a raw vegan, take them out to a raw vegan restaurant like Rawlicious once in awhile.

Do not complain about the food when eating at a vegan / vegetarian restaurant. When in doubt, just order a smoothie.

Do make an effort to eat more vegetarian food when socializing with your date.

Do not start arguments by pointing out your date is wearing leather boots.

Do realize you will likely end up living in the Vegan Village in Toronto or some place similar if the two of you buy a house together.

Don't mock their food choices. Being a vegan or vegetarian is often an ethical decision for people and is practically their religion.

Do have picnics whenever the weather is good for it. Picnics can be a surprisingly frugal way of "dining out" together.

Don't make a big deal about things that are obviously an issue for them. Just stop worrying about it and be "easy going", "down to earth" and whatever other things you claimed to be in your personals profile.

Do avoid talking about food too much. Basically don't talk about it unless they bring up the topic.

Don't take them to a normal restaurant on a first date. Try to accommodate and show some interest in their food choices.

Do try to fall in love with them, not some idealized version of them.

Attractive Things Men Do

The more things that men do from this list, often without realizing they are doing it, makes them more attractive to women.

Proof that simply taking care of themselves in terms of fashion, cleanliness, and being nice can win points with women.

Dating Academic Cheaters

By Rebecca S. Mart

Why you should not date from cheaters, at the very least academic cheaters.

You have heard the old adage cheaters never prosper I’m sure. Well in the case of academic cheaters that use an essay writing company in Toronto it could not be truer. Not only are academic cheaters ‘not too smart’ in more ways than one, but the simple act of cheating can indicate some moral failings in a potential partner that are just not attractive.

Not Smart In The First Place

Let’s face it if you feel the need to cheat in the first place you must not be the smartest apple in the bunch and that's just not attractive. The need to cheat shows a lack of knowledge that only cheating can rectify. Back when I was in a Toronto high school I had a friend that was not too good in math. She felt the need to cheat on an algebra math test. She eventually got me to agree to cheat with her (I wrote a bunch of equations on the back of my calculator) and in we went thinking we had gotten one over on the teacher. So I am sitting down answering questions surreptitiously looking at the back of my calculator hoping that my teacher did not see me look. Then it dawned on me, I already know this stuff and looking at my calculator is slowing my down. I stopped cheating right then and there and never did it again. If you know it, you know it and you do not need to cheat.

Laziness Is The New Black, Or Not

Another reason to cheat is laziness. How hot is that? Not very. Too lazy to get up to do a little essay writing then too lazy to get up and help around the house, change that dirty diaper late at night and to lazy to make sure you are satisfied in bed. NO THANK YOU!!!

Not Smart Enough To Know That Cheating Will Not Help In The Long Run

If you have to cheat then you are not learning. Later on in life you will see the affects when you need to call on that knowledge and it is not there. I had a classmate in high school who was on the fast tract to one of the most prestigious business schools in Toronto, Canada. She was a serial cheater. She purposely missed class on test day in order to get the answers to the questions and then cheated on the test the next day. She had a 98% by the end of the year. The worst part was everyone knew she was cheating, even the teacher. But she finished the year and got in to that great school. Three months after university started this girl had dropped out of school and was working at the mall. That did not work out for her now did it? Do you want someone that works at the mall because they cheated on a test? Don’t think so.

Moral Equivocation

I can only imagine the moral equivocation that must take place in these people heads. Despite being told that it is wrong the cheat, that it is against the rules and could result in expulsion, cheaters still manage to cheat anyway. That takes a special type of equivocating that does not necessarily care about the consequences so much as the possible positive result of the act. I imagine that a cheater must say this to themselves:

“Well, it’s just one test, I’m not really hurting anyone.”

That can easily turn into “Well, it’s just one extra-martial affair, I’m not really hurting anyone.” Do you really want to take that chance?

Bottom line just stay away from cheaters. Nothing good can come from it.

An Essay on Cheating and Breaking Up

By Ai Lung Nguyen

If you have ever been cheated on then you know the cheating is often the biggest prelude to breaking up. Let me explain - in essay format - why this is.

First, cheating shows a lack of respect for the other person you are supposed to be in a romantic relationship with. It shows you don't respect the covenant of the relationship with them, that you don't respect their intelligence, and that you don't respect them to come to the realization you are cheating on them and then do something about it.

Second, cheating is a sign that the cheater is unhappy and doesn't want to be in the relationship. They would rather be with someone else, and therefore are sleeping with someone else. It is really just a matter of time before they decide to cut the cord and make it official.

Third, cheaters are often also big time liars. It is exceptionally rare for a cheater to be truthful about what they are doing. Who wants to be in a relationship with someone who is a liar? It is really just a matter of time before the lie is discovered and the lies pile up to the point that the proverbial relationship breaks.

Fourth, cheaters are cowards. They are too cowardly to "man up to it" and admit they are unhappy with the relationship they are currently in so they go seeking for enjoyment elsewhere. This cowardice is a vice that will ultimately lead to the relationship ending - often in a cowardly way, such as breaking up via text message, phone or email.

Fifth, cheaters suffer from a communication problem. They don't communicate their unhappiness, they don't communicate they want something or someone else, they don't communicate their own cowardice of the situation they are in. Lack of communication is one of the biggest factors that causes couples to break up (that and lack of sex).

Sixth, cheaters often cheat using sex - which shows that they are probably very sexually active (likely a nympho or satyr) and they only got into the relationship because of their sexual appetite in the first place. But now that they are in the relationship they have determined that the person they are with isn't really sexually compatible. For whatever reason (cowardice, habit of lying, etc) they choose to find a new sexual partner to replace the current sexual partner before they even breakup the relationship.

Taken all together a single act of cheating on someone shows a clear direction towards an impending breakup - or in the case of an unhappy marriage, a divorce.

A happy marriage that has cheating it in might well become an unhappy marriage, which again later leads to divorce.

It is rare, in my opinion, that a marriage is strong enough to remain "happy" after an event of cheating has occurred and discovered.

An essay on the foolish things girls do for a guy...

By Ai Lung Nguyen

I admit it.

I took up archery for a guy.

Okay, yes, archery is an awesome sport and everything. But the truth is I also wanted to get closer to a guy and thought spending $400 on archery equipment would help me do it. (His name is Micah and he is just dreamy to look at... and then I found out that he was in a relationship already.)

So now I have lots of archery equipment but have lost some of my nerve with respect to properly learning the sport because I feel like a fool. I am still planning to use the equipment and learn, but my reasons for learning have changed dramatically.

And now I am writing an essay detailing not only the foolish things I have done, but also other women have done so they can get closer to a guy they like.

Here are some examples (some of these I did myself, although I won't say which)...

Spilling hot coffee or tea on herself because she was trying to put on makeup in a hurry while trying to drink at the same time (multitasking with coffee is not as smart as people think).

Flying overseas to meet a guy she has never met in person - or even spoken to on the phone.

Having an affair with a married man in the vain hope he will leave his wife for his mistress.

Signing up for personal training sessions with a hot guy only to find out later that he is gay.

Getting in a car accident because they were browsing profiles of hot guys on Plenty of Fish when they should have been driving.

Buying an expensive gift for a guy you like even though you are not dating and have no idea if he likes you.

Misreading signals that the guy is interested romantically when in reality he is just doing his job.

And the list goes on and on. Feel free to add your own in the comments section below.

Almost half the list above I have done myself at one time or another. Shameful really. Or just plain embarrassing.

One of the worst ones women do I think is loan men money - or give them money - when then aren't even dating the man in question. This is worse if the guy is a bum / con artist who uses women all the time.

Fortunately I have never done that. But I have spent plenty of my hard earned money traveling and buying things (for myself) in an attempt to meet guys / impress them.

And I can only conclude I have been going about this all wrong. Attracting a man in the first place is 90% looks and body language - and 10% personality.

But keeping a man long term is roughly 60% personality and 40% looks. (Some people will no doubt argue about this ratio, so feel free to leave a comment below.)

I argue the 60 / 40 split because staying with someone over the long term (male or female) is going to depend mostly on personality and their compatibility with yourself. But physical attractiveness continues to play a role otherwise people are likely to grow bored of their mate and cheat on them.

Another thing I have done in the past is date men I found a bit unattractive (eg. overweight) and think that I can somehow change them into more attractive versions of themselves over time if I get them to exercise more.

Thus I admit, I did at one point buy a guy I was dating a bicycle. For his birthday, so that is not so bad as just randomly buying him gifts - and I was dating him for a good amount of time.

The problem however is that he never used the bicycle. He didn't really exercise. He was one of those lazy guys who thinks he doesn't need to exercise.

Over time I realized I could not put up with his lazy personality and broke up with him. His attractiveness was a factor, I admit, but his unwillingness to change, to be more productive with his life, his addiction to video games... well, it eventually just reached a breaking point.

So my advice to other ladies out there, don't date guys who have huge stacks of video games. It shows they have no ambition in life and would rather be a fat / lazy slob on a couch playing video games every day.

When I broke up with him I asked if I could take the bicycle back and he said "Sure, whatever." He had rode it once.

I have basically concluded that whenever I like a guy I should wait until I can confirm whether he likes me or not before even thinking of doing anything foolish for him. Doing foolish things just to attract his attention in the first place just seems to backfire instead.

Happy Valentines Day!

Happy Valentines Day!

Here are some funny Valentines images I found recently - because anything about Rob Ford is automatically funny.

What single people do on Valentines.

March 15th - International Breakup Day

March 15th is the day on which the most couples break up (according to statistics gathered from Facebook relationship status updates).

What happens is after Valentines there is a sudden increase in breakups, culminating at a peak on March 15th - 29 days after Valentines.

Basically if one or both people screw up on Valentines the couple has 1 month to try to fix the situation otherwise many less-than-serious couples break up.

If they manage to make it to St Patricks Day (March 17th) then maybe all has been forgiven.

Another high point for breakups during the year is two weeks before Christmas - presumably so you don't have to get them a present, but it is beaten by a fair margin by the post Valentines breakups which skyrocket after Valentines and peak on March 15th.

I therefore declare March 15th to be "International Breakup Day".

Please feel free to breakup on that day - and be specific about it: "You messed up Valentines and I can't forgive you for ruining my fanciful and unrealistic expectations."

Because seriously, breakups 2 weeks before Christmas and 1 month after Valentines are evidently the result of unrealistic expectations and selfishness. So you might as well admit to it.

"I am breaking up with you because on Valentines you didn't get reservations."

"I am breaking up with you because you didn't spend enough money on Valentines Day."

"I am breaking up with you because I have unrealistc expectations of romantic gestures."


In the USA, Budweiser promotes June 2nd as National Breakup Day. According to Yahoo! Inc. however it is January 11th. According to Virgin Mobile it is February 13th (the day before Valentines)... Another source says it is April 9th.

But none of these have any statistics to back up their declarations. Thus March 15th makes much more sense, especially since Budweiser, Yahoo and Virgin Mobile are brands - but Valentines is celebrated internationally, even in non Christian countries.

5 Valentines Gift Ideas

If you don't get the right gift for your lover for Valentines you could be in for a nasty breakup (although to be fair, if they are insistent on a gift then they are immature and greedy).

Nevertheless, if you are in the gift giving mood here is 5 ideas!

#1. Archery Lessons / Archery Equipment

Thanks to Katniss and the Hunger Games, archery equipment and archery lessons are all the rage right now. Not just for women, but for men too. While buying archery equipment can be expensive (expect to spend over $300 if you want decent equipment), you can just purchase archery lessons from a place that provides the equipment for you. eg. provides archery lessons in Toronto, with the equipment provided.

#2. New Bicycle

Nothing says romance like going for Spring bicycle rides together. If their old bicycle is broken, get them a new bicycle and they can sell their old bicycle on Craigslist. (So it is a bit like giving them a new bicycle PLUS some extra cash.)

#3. Dancing Lessons

Ah, dancing... Seriously. If they have two working legs you cannot go wrong with dancing lessons.

#4. A Thoughtful Gift or Big Ticket Item

This requires you to seriously think about past things they said they wanted. You really need to pay attention to figure that one out, but if you do and it is within your budget, absolutely get them it. Another option is the Big Ticket Item - which is usually for married couples. Big ticket items are things like...

"My husband got me a new car for Valentines!"

"The wife got me a pool table!"

#5. Stick to the Classics

The classics are: Chocolate, wine, alcohol, roses - and also possibly a gift card to a shoe store or a store that sells tools. When doing the classics you should try to nail down 2 or 3 different items so you put more effort into it. eg. Roses, chocolates and a gift card would be a good combo.

Things NOT to give them on Valentines... adult products for the bedroom (unless you know they're really into that sort of thing), lingerie (again, only if they are into that), books (unless it is exceptionally thoughtful), cash, pets, bad news...

Learning Your Lessons when it comes to Dating

One of the biggest mistakes people make in dating is not learning from their mistakes. They behave stubbornly, selfishly, they date the wrong type of person, they try to control the relationship too much, they get into bed too quickly or withhold sex too much, they nitpick every detail, they try and change their partner instead of accepting who they are...

But if they're not recognizing what they did wrong then they never learn from their mistakes.

Here is 3 Examples...

In 2000 I dated a young woman who was essentially browsing the local cuisine. She and I broke up and got back together 17 times in a period of less than a week. It took me years to later realize I was basically just sampling the cuisine too. She and I were too different, like fire and water. The lessons? #1. Don't waste your time if you're just browsing and #2. Don't waste your time with people who are quickly and obviously your opposite. Opposites may attract, but they don't make good lovers.

In 2001 a young woman moved in with me after less than a month. She later turned to be childish, spoiled rotten and unemployed. I quickly discovered I lacked the patience to live with someone who made me miserable and drained my financial resources. Lessons Learned? Avoid spoiled rotten gold diggers.

In 2004 I met a woman who was studying French and she became interested in me because I spoke French (C'est un beau langage!), however my advances were wasted on her because she basically just wanted free French lessons. Lessons Learned? Look for the clues that this person just wants to be friends.

The point I am making here is that you have to learn from your mistakes so you can avoid making the same mistakes over again. Older and wiser, I find my relationships last a lot longer and I have less worries about running into incompatible people because I am better at screening them for faults.