Jealousy Fuelled Rage and Temper Tantrums

To maintain the privacy of the individuals I have changed all the names of the people mentioned in this post.

I belong to a gaming group that plays Dungeons and Dragons. Now the first thing you know about D&D players is that they often don't have girlfriends. Well in this group they all have girlfriends - and two of the gamers are women and dating the other gamers.

The group is...

Genevieve, who is dating Peter and close friends with Angela.
Peter, who is the guy running the game and works as a doctor.
Angela, who is dating Locke, and a bit naive.
Locke, who is very overweight and very insecure about his relationship with Angela.
Plus me and three other guys, all of which have girlfriends.

As the group dynamic goes I am the jock of the group. I work as a personal trainer, and while I play D&D I am basically leaps ahead of the common nerd with respect to my weight and musculature. Basically I am a fitness nerd who can quote you how many calories activities burn depending on your weight.

Thus it was when I first joined this group that Locke immediately hated me and made a rude comment within he first two minutes of shaking his hand.

Why?! Because he sees me as a threat who might steal away his girlfriend. A girlfriend who is much more attractive than he is physically, but he manages to control her somewhat due to her naivete and his domineering personality.

Now I know she is atttactive, but just because a person is attractive doesn't mean someone else is automatically attracted to them. For my part I have known Angela since 2004 and in the last 9 years she has gained some weight, lost some of her attractiveness and while I might have been interested in her 9 years ago I am no longer interested in her. To me she is now "one of he guys".

But to Locke I am still a threat. To the point of jealousy and delusions.

Since joining the group last Winter he has sent me two ranting emails trying to intimidate me into quitting the group. He makes up such things like I slow the game down (completely untrue), that everyone else hates me (if that was true why is he the only one complaining?), and similar ridiculous claims.

Basically it is the kind of angry rants people tend to write late at night when they're feeling more paranoid than usual and their blood sugar levels are wonky.

Recently Locke decided to quit the group and pressured his girlfriend to quit too. This was followed by his most recent ranting temper tantrum email wherein he complains about me and tries to convince others I am a danger to the group.

In other words, he is making mountain ranges out of molehills so small that only a delusional person can see them.

I am no more a threat to the group than the plastic miniatures on the gaming table.

But I am a threat because he is worried might steal his girlfriend. She has to toe the line of his jealousy and delusions otherwise he will get really upset. And she is a bit too naive and he is too domineering for that to change.


Seriously. Jealousy is like a form of insanity. Even when there is nothing there a person with insane jealousy can turn into an obsessive maniac.

I find the whole thing petty and yet funny. He lacks confidence in himself and is so insecure he sees every man who is more attractive than him as a potential rival for her affections. And he then goes to insane extremes and makes ridiculous statements based on his paranoid delusions.

And that frankly, is both hilarious and pitiful.

Fortunately not all nerds are as insecure and problematic as Locke is. Some of them, like the characters from the Big Bang Theory, can actually get girlfriends and have successful relationships.

But I admit that for the hardcore nerds - especially ones who are overweight and mentally off their rocker, it is pretty freaking rare.

Advanced Kissing Skills 101

Want to be a better kisser? Start by getting more practice and reading the list below so you can master the best ways to kiss.

Chocolate Kiss - Best done with a Mars Bar because there is caramel in that too! Just take a bite and French kiss as you would. Very silky smooth type of kiss, and can end up very messy. Extremely pleasurable, and even more funny! Perfect for a first date just after a first kiss, or something to do that's a little bit different. A must for anyone, best style of kissing ever!

Spiderman Kiss - It's just like in the movie. You kiss upside down, taking in both of your lower lips and do all those other kisses listed above.

Spitzer Kiss - What you do is when you are ready to kiss (or even while you're Frenching or doing any other kiss) is gently nibble and/or lick the parts just above or below your partner's lip. Now don't slobber all over your partner. Just give enough saliva to get them damp. This is very fun and romantic. It will also turn your partner on or in other words make them like the kiss more.

Lap Kiss - While your partner is laying with his/her head in your lap, lean over and kiss her/him. Your bottom lip will be on your partner's top lip, and vise versa. You can even French kiss while in this position. This kiss is a playful kiss, and it can lead to much more.

Carmex Kiss - If either you or your partner are not carmex junkies, apply a little carmex to your lips and feel the gentle tingle on your lips.

Muzzle Kiss - When kissing the neck of your partner, at one point blow air out of your mouth while pressing the lips down, creating the sound of some sort of... flatulence.! It should be ever so unexpected and quite interesting indeed.

Trade-off Kiss - One of you gets a cinnamon candy and the other a mint. One takes the cinnamon and the other the mint. While French kissing, switch them from time to time. Great fun.

Tongue Ring Kiss - What you do is, if your partner has a tongue ring and the two of you are French kissing, mess with his/her tongue ring while kissing and it gives your partner chills and excitement/happiness because a lot of people with tongue rings love that. Or if the two of you have a tongue ring have a tongue ring WAR! What you do is keep his/her tongue away from your tongue ring, while you're messing with their tongue ring. (NOTE: don't Tangle tongue rings together because that will be a disaster!)

Breath Kiss - In a hot moment - creates major anticipation - barely touch lips with lips slightly parted... then breath your partner's breath... moving heads slowly to experience different sensations... lips touching on and off slightly... it is a very teasing sort of kiss and builds passion tremendously.

Chew Kiss - Tell your partner to place their tongue deeply into mouth deeply... you VERY GENTLY "chew" on the back part of their tongue... do not suck. This will create a sensation in other places that can be very exciting!

Touch Kiss - You do this after you and your partner have Frenched or really kissed alot. What you do is just simply touch tongues - like the tip of your tongue. You may want to move it around but you don't have to. You don't do it inside your mouth you do it out in the open.

Underwater Kiss - Have your partner hold their breath underwater and when he or she taps you give them air.

Moving Kiss - Make sure a bed or couch or chair is behind your partner and when French kissing gently push your partner onto the chair or whatever is behind them. Very good for serious couples or just beginners.

Flavor Kissing - Put a piece of long lasting gum in your mouth (Hubba Bubba, Trident) just before you and your partner French kiss. While kissing pass the gum back and forth, and see how long it takes for the flavor to run out!

Chin Kiss - Hold your partner's chin with your middle, index, and thumb and tilt their head in the right direction. Continue to hold it as you kiss.

Suck Kissing - This can be a very seductive type of kiss. Instead of French Kissing with your mouth open, while your partner's lips are parted suck on their top our bottom lip with your own, just for a second or two. Then go back to another type of kiss or try the other lip.

Nip Kissing - This type of kiss has to be done carefully, but when done correctly can create a wonderful effect on your partner. While suck kissing, gently bite their lip, but be VERY gentle so as not to hurt your partner. This kiss should only be done with someone that you've kissed a few times before, otherwise you may shock your partner.

Surprise Kissing - This type of kiss is done when your partner is lying down on a sofa or the ground, either asleep or just lying with their eyes closed. Quietly approach your partner and place a small, very gentle kiss on their lips. Intensify the kiss until your partner opens their eyes or awakens.

Vacuum Kissing - This is a playful kiss. While in an open-mouthed kiss, suck in deeply so you're sucking the air from your partner.

Cordial Kissing - Take a sip of your favorite drink, either alcohol or something sweet, and then when your lips meet pour the drink in your partner's mouth. Only take a very small sip.

Butterfly Kissing - Put your eye really close to your partner's cheek and flutter your lashes upon their skin. You can also do this on their lips.

Melt Kissing - Pass an ice cube back and forth in mouth while French kissing.

Glow Stick Frenzy - Pass the mini mouth glow stick back and forth (same thing as melt kissing).

Tongue Sucking - When you have the chance to get really deep into your partners mouth, suck on their tongue as far as you can. Don't suck to hard, you don't want to hurt your partner. Otherwise it's very pleasing!

Sigh Kiss - When you first start kissing your partner gently lick their lips with the tip of your tongue. Then blow or sigh into their lips, causing a tingling feeling that will intensify your kiss for sure.

Pop Kiss - Use pop-rocks, great fun. You've heard of fireworks, this is an explosion!

Tongue Tease - When you're French kissing, if/when you pull back, and before your mouths meet again, you can flick your tongue up and down quickly against the other person who is doing the same. It's very teasing and fun to see how long it lasts. Its hard to resist going strong after a while of flicking.

You Are More Beautiful Than You Think

You REALLY Are More Beautiful Than You Think.

Which means that when you go out on dates you need to stop worrying about your appearance quite so much and start having more fun.

67 Ways to Save Money and still go on Dates

When you’re down on your luck cash wise, it’s not always easy to come up with ways to impress your date. Luckily, there’s still tons of fun and romantic things you can do that take little-to-no money—all that’s required is a little creativity. Here’s our 67 favorite ideas for cheap dates:

1. Browse the local farmers’ market.
2. Go on a picnic. All you need is a blanket, fruit, sausage, cheese, crackers and water.
3. Fly a kite.
4. Enjoy a romantic home-cooked meal.
5. Cook dinner together.
6. Go apple picking.
7. Give a massage.
8. Go to the beach.
9. Attend an open-air festival.
10. See an art-house movie matinee.
11. Build a snowman.
12. Have a barbecue.
13. Share a sundae.
14. Attend an art gallery.
15. Take a hike.
16. Go to a book signing.
17. Go for a bike ride.
18. Play miniature golf.
19. Attend a wine tasting.
20. Go fishing.
21. Go sledding (with a thermos of hot cider or cocoa).
22. Visit the zoo.
23. Rent a movie.
24. Pick up movie at your local library.
25. Drive go-carts.
26. Go window-shopping.
27. Invite friends over for board games.
28. Do a Google search for free things to do in your city.
29. Eat out with a gift certificate from
30. Drive through the country (especially good around Fall).
31. Play at a playground (swings and teeter-totters are fun!)
32. Attend a planetarium show.
33. Browse antique shops.
34. Go to an open mic night at a coffee shop or bookstore.
35. Volunteer at a favorite charity.
36. Attend a high school sporting event.
37. Watch Shakespeare in the Park.
38. Have an indoor picnic.
39. Star gaze (Orion is an easy constellation to spot).
40. Take a pottery class together.
41. Go bowling.
42. Play pool.
43. Go to the local community pool.
44. Feed the ducks at a local pond.
45. Go ice skating.
46. Go roller skating.
47. Play laser tag.
48. Play frisbee.
49. Go kayaking or canoeing.
50. Skip rocks at a lake.
51. Watch a meteor shower (here’s when they happen).
52. Attend a local high school, community college or university play or musical.
53. Go camping.
54. Play basketball together.
55. Visit a botanical garden.
56. Go spelunking (but be careful!)
57. Get a cup of coffee together (hopefully at a spot that offers free refills).
58. Take a factory tour. Breweries that offer free samples are especially fun.
59. Take dance lessons at a local community center.
60. Visit local historic landmarks.
61. Put together a puzzle.
62. Carve pumpkins (around Halloween).
63. Go strawberry picking.
64. Attend a flea market or swapmeet.
65. Check out yard sales.
66. Assemble a model airplane then fly it in a park.
67. Go out for brunch (cheaper than dinner).

Dating doesn’t have to be expensive. Often, your date will be more impressed with a creative dating idea than they will if you spend lavish amounts of money on them. So get creative, save money, and have fun!

Should I Text Him Flowchart

Interested in a guy and want to send him a text? Follow the flowchart to find out whether you should.

A Good Boyfriends knows what to do...

A good boyfriend should know when he is wanted.

Except men are not psychic.

A good boyfriend should know how to treat a girl.

A bit like how you treat your mother, except you get to ogle her breasts.

A good boyfriend should tie your shoes for you once in awhile.

Just because it is so cute when you do it.

A good boyfriend should behave like a prince...

Except in the sack, when the girl is expecting a beast.

A good boyfriend should know the endings of every movie containing a Disney princess. And Beauty and the Beast. And The Princess Bride. And Pretty Woman. The list goes on.

But don't expect him to know the ending of The Hunger Games Trilogy or the Twilight Trilogy. Some things are just not in his repertoire.

A good boyfriend should know how to give you a piggyback ride.

And know when to set you down when you start getting motion sickness.

Sometimes boyfriends also make good chairs.

Good boy!

The Coffee Date - Poetry by Maria Jones-Statham

The Coffee Date

I sit in the coffee shop and wait
Always waiting
I look at my watch
I look at it again 1 minute later

You're late

Is it because you didn't like my photo?
Maybe you thought I was ugly?
Or too tomboy-ish?

Wait, this is the right coffee shop?
There isn't another one across the street
Or around the corner...

My heart races as a man fitting your description enters
No wait, he is with someone
Minutes pass
I text a friend and keep looking at my watch

Finally there you are!
I can tell by your glasses and hair
You don't even notice me at first
I wave at you and you seem to look right through me...

For a moment I think I might be wrong
It isn't you...
Or maybe you will turn and leave
Pretend not to know me

But then you see me
Your eyes light up
I smile
You order a coffee and come over

You apologize for being late
I say it doesn't matter but inside my heart is twisted
You talk about the weather
You ask about my family
My work, my hobbies, my interests

Awkward silence and even more awkward conversation
You keep looking at your watch
I catch myself looking at mine

Well this was nice meeting you say
Yes, nice meeting you
My heart sinks like a rock in a bottomless pit

Would you like to meet again I blurt out
I will call you later you say

But you never call

And I really didn't expect you to I suppose

It is so hard to meet people

I go home and pet my pussy, literally and figuratively

Sometimes I wonder if I should stop meeting men
You know, buy a vibrator, get more cats, stop shaving my legs

But then I see the happy couples in public
Holding hands, kissing, touching

And I realize its not sex I am craving
Its companionship
The kind a cat or a dog could never give

So I go on Plenty of Fish and I see a new you
You seem nice...
Attractive, interesting hobbies...

We agree to meet
Sure, I love coffee

I sit in the coffee shop and wait
Always waiting
I look at my watch
I look at it again 1 minute later

By Maria Jones-Statham

March 2012