The Pre Date Phone Call - Screening your Dates Beforehand = Judgement Time

Ah, the good ol' pre date phone call.

Ever done this?

Basically the person you are planning to have a first date with wants to hear the sound of your voice and have a conversation to see if you are compatible.

For me this is a great way to weed out people I would find exceptionally annoying to talk to in real life.

I will cite a specific example here:

"Samantha" called me up while I was having a texting conversation with her. Apparently she was getting impatient and wanted to speak with me right away. I didn't even get to finish my text about zombies. Oh well.

During the ensuing phone conversation I began to notice a number of annoying traits about this woman.

#1. She got upset way too easily, over even minor things. (Which means it is really easy to push her buttons.)

#2. She came off as a bit of a braggart and egotistical - which is never a desirable trait. (I am not perfect either, but I do have a decent sense of humility.)

#3. My talkativeness made her anxious and annoyed - as did my apparent ability to guess what she was about to say next. (Honestly, I have gotten very good at guessing what people will say next. If that is my superpower it is apparently an annoying one.)

#4. My impression was that she was both a hypocrite and very judgmental, stating that she doesn't like judgmental people - and yet was being judgmental herself. When I pointed this out later on she got very upset. And when I explained that "Everyone is judgmental all the time. When you pick up a piece of cheese you are judging whether it is good to eat." she tried to argue that people aren't constantly judging everything they see, hear, smell, etc. At which point I explained yes they are. Because their brain interprets the data they receive from all the senses / etc and then makes a judgment call based on what it knows already. "This cheese smells like bad cheese. Time to throw it out because I think it has gone bad." The cheese has been judged. Even if the cheese smelled good then it would still get a judgment, but then it would be a positive one. "This cheese smells good. Time to make grilled cheese sandwiches!"

By the time I had determined #4 I knew this woman was not for me - in fact I daresay she is probably a mental headcase who is not ready to be dating anyone for a long term period.

How do I know this? Because the conversation was reminding me of an ex I had several years ago who was so judgmental and argumentative that I eventually broke up with and the reason I gave for the breakup was because I was extremely unhappy whenever I was with her.

I am serious, she was making me miserable because I couldn't have a normal conversation with her without her starting an argument. (So if I was already getting this from a mere 50 minute phone call then it was a pretty bad sign this woman was not for me.)

I think it might have something to do with my parents arguing a lot when I was a kid - argumentative people, the kind who deliberately argue for the sake of arguing, really grate on my nerves.

Which is why I contend that Samantha (and other extremely argumentative women like her) are not suitable for dating anyone. No one. Period.

Same goes with men who have the same sort of personality.

Now you might think "Oh but it takes two to tango. You can't have an argument if only one person is arguing."

Yes, you can. Both my parents have done it many times and I have personally witnessed it many times. It only takes one person to start an argument - and then just need to be in a deliberately argumentative mood.

As opposed to a person who is simply argumentative ALL THE TIME.

What it makes me realize is that there should almost be some kind of CONVERSATION ETIQUETTE that we can teach people in order to make them socialize better and lead them away from their argumentative tendencies.

For example things like "Don't bring up politics, religion or abortion."

However at the same time if those topics are such a big deal maybe it is better to get them out of the way in an hurry. Get it over and done with. Rip the bandaid off in one swift motion.

This is why "Judgement Time" (as I like to call it) or the "Pre Date Phone Call" is such an awesome way to screen potential dates.

Especially if you realize the person on the other end is an egotistical braggart / hypocrite and you start deliberately pressing their buttons.

Which I wholly admit to. Near the end of the call I was deliberately (but politely) pushing her buttons to make her realize what a hypocritical jackass she was.

I can be a jackass too, but at least I admit to it. It is the phonies that irritate me.

Being judgmental is NOT a bad thing. Making judgment calls about potential romantic partners just means you are trying to gauge people and then make a decision. There is nothing wrong with that.

However I will say that you should never judge too quickly. Wait and see first. When in doubt you should always try to test out whether the other person truly is the jackass you suspect them to be before giving them the proverbial boot.

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