Best Breakup Line Ever!

Imagine you are a man and you are in a relationship based on sex - and you'd rather breakup with this person you are having sex with. (Possibly because they are annoying all the time.)

So how do you breakup with them?

Well, number one, you do it by text. You make it clear that way that the relationship you have is too impersonal and meaningless.

Number two. Your text needs to make it clear that there are other things you'd rather be doing than having sex with them.

So what is the best breakup line ever?

Wait for it...


"I really should be doing work tonight. If you are coming over for sex then it is $30 per hour."

Now remember, this is a man saying this to a woman.

Women are not going to pay for sex. Not usually. Extremely rare circumstances.

Ergo, she sees this and realizes this man has little interest in having sex with her and is only willing to do it for money. Now I suppose, if she needed it all the time, then she might be willing to pay for it regularly.

Now I admit, when used in practice this breakup line is more likely to confuse the woman who is being dumped. She might even think you are desperate for money.

In which case she will ask for an explanation.

"Its just not doing it for me. Its more like a chore and I don't feel any romance with you. I still enjoy it, obviously, but there are other things I really should be doing. So if you really want it that bad I figure you should pay for my time and effort.
Or alternatively...
"I don't want a romantic relationship with you and since you are just using me for sex then I should get paid for it."

So yeah.

She might get upset. Or just confused. Or maybe she will be relieved because now she can go find a real relationship that isn't based on physical friction so much.


“I have only still been seeing you because I felt obliged to, and if we were right for each other, neither of us should feel like that.”
“I love you toooooo much, it’s driving me mad.”
“Sorry for the long silence…I have personal issues lately…Happy Friday!“
“I just can’t take the bad sex anymore”.
“Honestly? It’s you not me, you’re just too perfect for someone else. And I’m perfect for the girl on Facebook.”
“You’re perfect in every way, just not for me.”
“I get so emotional when you’re not around…That emotion is called happiness.”
“Oh, sorry but l am going to my brother’s wedding and you are not invited….”
“It’s not you. You’re fine, lovely in fact, and much smarter than me. It’s just I want to pursue younger women.”
“Maybe this break up will be good for you, since you’ve never really experienced pain before.”
“I enjoy your company, fancy you like crazy, and love having sex with you, but I don’t love you and I never will.”
“The problem with our relationship is, we’re in a relationship.”
“Just the fact that you had to sit me down and talk about our communication problems means that were not going to work out, and we should end our relationship.”
“I can’t believe you won’t let me go to a strip club in Vegas. This shows you really don’t care about me.”
“Really, our time together has just become more effort than you’re worth.”
“You care too much about celebrities.”
“I wish I could say you were the most special person in the world, but you’re not.”
“I don’t want to have to go on holiday to see my girlfriend. It’s just not fun anymore.”
“You’re not Mr. Right – just Mr. Right Now.”
“Before you were still a mystery and now you need to be history.”
“I’m just not feeling ‘it’ so I want a divorce.”
“If only I were in love with just one girl, not two.”
“I love you but I’m not in love with you so I guess I’m more of a lesbian than we thought.”
“Hmmm, I am not sure that I want to do this anymore…”
“You have your own life. You have a job. You can’t sleep with me in my bed every night. I really don’t even like her but she lets me drink.”
“I want to have fun and I’m not ready to carry a burden through my youth.”
“You have an irrational (emotional) intensive feeling for me which frightens me.”
“I just can’t come up tonight. This whole thing is just making me ill.”
“I have these spirit guides and as I drove home today they were telling me very strongly that we live too far apart and it’s never going to work.”
“Ideally, I would like to write my book, and once I finish I’ll give you an answer as to whether we will be together or not.”
“You don’t engage me anymore”.
“I bought my baby’s mama an engagement ring for Valentine’s Day. Since this is the last time we’ll be together, I hope you want to get real freaky.”
“I need to see other women to prove to myself that my love for you is genuine.”
“She said that she was better for me than you, so I had no choice but to defend our love and prove her wrong…You should be thanking me for this.”
“I’ll always remember last night, but I think we can forget about tomorrow.”
“I just don’t think we’re ‘suitable’ suitable”.
“I need to tell you that someone from my past has come back into my life. I knew her years ago but there were so many things that interfered with her and I having a relationship that could not be overcome, but that has passed and now she and I are making another attempt.”
“You’re Muslim, and I’m Hindu, this is never going to work, I’m sorry.”
“I’m making a changes in my life that don’t include you. I’m sorry. I love you but I’m going through a quarter life crisis right now. You know I’m not going to live much longer because all prodigies die young.”
“Isn’t six and a half years long enough?”
“You know how Fromm talks about love being an active process? Well, I’m afraid love didn’t even grow. I’m looking for a Soulmate and you’re not her.”
“It just fizzled out, I am sorry. We are still buds, just not like before, I can’t do it.”
“Please understand that I care for you deeply, but need to finalize my thoughts with her good or bad – for my sake. But I would still like to take you to lunch and call you if that is OK with you. I just can’t see you right now.”
“I was asked to make a choice. If I had not been asked, I may have chosen differently”.
“I am having a disruption in my professional life (leaving job), so I thought that I may as well have a disruption in my personal life.”
“My ‘friend’ has asked me to move in with her and I’ve agreed, is it alright if I move out on Saturday?”
“My dick is committed to you, but my heart is not.”
“You are the only really good girl I’ve ever met, I will probably never meet anyone like you again. You are really marriage material. If we stay together, we will get married in a few years, BUT I’m not sure I am ready to commit to one person.”
“I just can’t handle the distance…I’m so sorry.”
“This isn’t easy and neither are you…I’m breaking up with you.”
“I just don’t know how much longer I can do this charade that I am happy with the relationship as it is.”
“Sorry I stopped contacting you. I had to go back to rehab.”
“I’d like to think that I just need some time, because I really miss you, but really I never loved you and I miss everyone else”.
“I love you. I love hanging out with you. You are so easy to live with. I want everything to remain the same except the boyfriend/girlfriend thing.”
“You’re an investment with no return.”
“I know that if I continue seeing you that you that I will want to spend the rest of my life with you, but I’m not ready for that, so I don’t want to see you anymore.”
“Yes, I thought we were getting to the point in our relationship where I might start to fall in love with you, but your insecurities about how I feel about you have made it clear that I can never fall in love with you.”
“You’re a great guy, but I have so much baggage, and right now I have more bad days than good days…it wouldn’t be fair to subject you to that.”
“I still care about you, but I just don’t find my heart jumping out of my chest when I see you anymore.”
“I have lost all romantic feelings for you completely, and I desire no future relationship with you.”
“She’s exactly like you used to be – before you became a bitch.”
“I think you love me more than I love you.”
“Bad news, I met someone last night, and as I neither want to cheat on you nor bull**** you, we should keep seeing us as ‘friends’ only,…if it is OK for you?”
“I’m looking for a long-term relationship and I just can’t pursue that with you.”
“I think we both rushed into this relationship so fast but forgot to get to know each other. We should have taken our time. You can’t fall in love in two months but we were so keen to try.”
“We both have some of the qualities we want, but not all of them. I want nothing or easier.”
“I really feel that we have major differences…I like playing the accordion, and growing roses…you don’t.”
“The longer we are together, the less serious I am about you.”
“We’ve both grown up and changed, I love you, but that kind of love has changed, and it’s not the kind you want from me. I want us to be closest friends instead.”
“I feel like I’m changing, and though I do love you and I really like spending time with you, I’m not as ‘in love’ with you anymore..”
“I don’t think you have it in you to be a good mother. When I thought about marrying you, I only thought about whether you’d make a good wife…I didn’t think about whether you’d make a good mother too.”
“I don’t want the responsibility of someone else’s happiness.”
“I’m really sorry to have messed you about, but being with you has made me realise that I am gay and I can’t string you along anymore.”
“I feel alive when I am with her, but I am very grateful to you.”
“If you were about to say that you just wanted fun and no labels, I’d want to continue. But I think you want more.”
“You just know me too well, and that freaks me out. You know what I am going to do before I do it, so I can’t do anything.”
“I have no empathy for you just contempt and I think about suicide rather than staying with you.”
“Really, it’s not you, I’m just going through a selfish phase…”
“We don’t make each other happy, is that what you want to hear?”
“I feel like this break up has made our relationship so much stronger.”
“I really like you, you’re a lovely woman and we have great fun – you’re just not a long-term prospect.”
“Maybe we have too much in common. We are too much alike.”
“I don’t want you to feel like I’m breaking up with you. I just can’t be in a relationship with you anymore.”
“I know it took me two years to finally get you out on a date, but now I’m feeling tied down…”
“I just can’t live with the pathetic tickles that you call ‘sexual thrusts’ anymore.”
“I’m leaving you. Do you want me to go tonight or tomorrow?”