Lots of Single Chinese Women can't find a husband

China has a lot of single women in between the ages of 27 and 35 who can't find a husband.

Why you ask?

Because Chinese men prefer to marry younger women... preferably attractive women. So what has happened is that the younger women who are less attractive end up going to university and get their Masters or PhD and by the time they graduate they are about 27 or so.

But by that point they are no longer considered desirable because they're too old - even though they may have blossomed and become more attractive during those years.

Being single and between the ages of 27 and 35 is a big no-no in Chinese culture. There is a lot of pressure for women in this age group to get married and have a kid. Pressure from parents, from friends, and from society.

But Chinese men are too busy chasing after younger women who are 18 to 26 and attractive, and thus the vicious cycle continues.

A Chinese woman who is a confident, personable, has a good salary job, lives in her own apartment, has a MA from one of China’s top universities, and a wealth of friends - but can't get a date to save her life because "27 is too old".

The Chinese government even has a name for these single, urban, educated women in China. They are called “sheng nu” or “leftover women” — and it bites.

It’s an odd label in a country with a surplus of single young men. (Due to China's one child policy many families choose to have a boy instead of a girl and parents often do late term abortions in an effort to have a boy. Decades of this policy has left China with a lot of young men who are all fighting over a small handful of attractive women.

The phenomenon is so cultural there is even a television drama that ran a couple of years ago called “Old Women Should Get Married”. Not kidding, that was the title! The plot featured a 33-year-old woman who watched her younger sister get married, suffered through blind dates (including one who turned out to be a drug dealer), and put up with her family constantly telling her to stop being so picky and just find a man.

It wasn't a comedy. It was more like a soap opera - but without the evil twin brothers.

This kind of cultural message gets hammered in multiple ways in China’s state-run media. Even the webpage of the government’s supposedly feminist All-China Women’s Federation used to feature articles about leftover women – until enough women complained and told them to stop doing that because its annoying.

Its reached a point where the cultural stigma is so bad that more government interference on the problem (the proverbial lime light) is only making the issue worse.

Since 2007, the Chinese state media have aggressively used the term "leftover women", in surveys, and news reports, and columns, in cartoons and pictures. They are deliberately stigmatizing educated women over the age of 27 or 30 who are still single.

As if it is somehow the women's fault that men keep going over after younger women.

The simple fact is that the gender imbalance in China is one of too many men. There are an estimated 20 million extra men under the age of 30 than there is women under 30. That is 20 million extra men who will either not get married, or go chasing after younger women as the men get older and older.

So its only going to get worse unless the men either get desperate enough to start thinking older and educated, or they are just going to have to stick their "hand best friend". (Any bets on how many millions of single Chinese men are jerking off right now? Difficult to say, p*rnography in China is illegal - So they're probably jerking off to lingerie catalogues.)

Its not just the matter of marrying younger / attractive women either.

Men in China also prefer to marry uneducated women in an effort to get a woman they feel superior to and can more easily control. The same thing happens here in North America too. Men are intimidated by educated women who can think for themselves.

When it comes to education men in China want to marry women who are slightly less educated than themselves. The concept is essentially explained as a matter of quality:

“There is an opinion that A quality guys will find B quality women, B quality guys will find C quality women, and C quality men will find D quality women,” Huang says. “The people left are A quality women and D quality men. So if you are a leftover woman, you are A quality.”

So if you are a woman and get As in your grades in school and university, you are automatically considered to be less attractive.

The Chinese population planning policy used to officially have a law promoting eugenics... They actually had the word ‘eugenics’ in the name of the policy. Since then they've changed the name, but the family planning policy is still behind the times by about 40 years.

The state-run media keeps up a barrage of messages aimed at picky educated women. Here’s one translated title:

“Leftover Women Do Not Deserve Our Sympathy.”

“Pretty girls do not need a lot of education to marry into a rich and powerful family. But girls with an average or ugly appearance will find it difficult. These girls hope to further their education in order to increase their competitiveness. The tragedy is, they don’t realize that as women age, they are worth less and less. So by the time they get their MA or Ph.D, they are already old – like yellowed pearls.”

However I think I should point out something.

There are plenty of men in Canada and the USA (myself included) who would be willing to marry these educated Chinese women. Judging by the photos I've found of China's "leftover women" some of them are very attractive and men in North America probably aren't as intimidated by women who also have brains.

If China doesn't want these women, send them over here!

Breaking Up With An Overly Attached Girlfriend

Relationship dating humour from "Jimmy".

College Relationships

In the video below CollegeHumor tackles the topic of the types of people you meet in college/university and what it is like dating them.

Three Dates Equals Sex

Three Dates Equals Sex is the social standard in Western culture whereby on the 3rd or 4th date the new couple start having sex.

It is not a rule, but it is an unspoken standard. If a couple doesn't start having sex by the end of the third date it usually means that they are not compatible and the relationship will soon end during the "Lets Just Be Friends Speech".

Rushing to sex on the first date can sometimes become an One Night Stand (or a lasting relationship, both are possible).

Having sex on the 2nd date is still considered too fast.

The Third Date is the socially accepted point where it is not only okay to have sex but encouraged because if a couple do not then there is something wrong.

Not all people follow the social standard of Three Dates Equals Sex. Typically non-practitioners are more religious, such as Muslim or Christian women will want a longer time period before having sex. Some super traditional women will even insist on having sex on their wedding night, but that tradition is considered very old world and impractical since many divorces are caused by a faulty sex life. It is the accepted practice that couples get to know each other sexually to make certain they are sexually compatible before getting in a long term relationship.

If a couple is waiting until the 4th date or later there can also be a lot more stress on the sex being "really good" because if it is not then the relationship may end really abruptly due to sexual incompatibility. In contrast on the 3rd date the standards are a bit lower and people aren't so stressed out if they were not perfect together on the first time.

Note - Some women don't achieve orgasm the first time they have sex with a new man. They are used to do this and it is largely the result of nervousness / inability to relax and has nothing to do with his sexual prowess. Some people will also claim that this is normal for all women and that most women fake their orgasms the first time, however less than half of women report faking their orgasms ever so such a claim cannot be true.

Men will feel more pressure to perform well in bed if there has been a huge delay before the couple's first sexual encounter. If they don't do well the woman may decide to end the relationship due to sexual incompatibility and men, logically, want to make certain their skills in bed are not undervalued.

The same goes for women. If a woman doesn't perform well in bed that first time - and stress on this will be increased dramatically if there has been a large delay - then she may find herself dumped in a hurry if the man feels she wasted his time and didn't live up to expectations. Whether the woman knows she is being judged is important. This is apparently a contributing factor for why some women fake their orgasms the first time because they know they are being judged.

Some women, due to relationship inexperience, may not know that they are being judged on sexual performance or may not even know about the Three Dates Equals Sex standard.

Same goes for men. Although the prevalence of men who lack experience with relationships / sex is more limited to very ugly / obese men. Unattractive women in contrast have less problems having sexual partners because they can always attract a man with low self esteem. Thus most "40 year old virgins" are men.


Knowing that Three Dates Equals Sex is the standard can be quite important. A lot of people have different expectations for when to have sex. Eg. Some men prefer to have sex by the 2nd date and if they don't they don't bother with a 3rd. And likewise some women prefer to wait until the 4th date.

Thus many relationships end early due to women wanting to wait longer then men. The third date is the accepted compromise.

Which means that if someone breaks up with you before the 3rd date that they may have found you so unappealing that they didn't want to have sex with you. At the same time, not breaking up with them but still going on a 4th or 5th date, without having sex, would be a classic example of "Leading Them On".

Note: Most people these days "Go Dutch" when it comes to dating, meaning they split the costs. If they aren't splitting the cost, eg. the man pays for everything, then women will then feel pressured to have sex with the man. It is a weird paradox in which women who are conservative are essentially prostitutes.


Aim to have sex by the end of the 3rd or make the 4th date at one of your homes, where its implied that its time for some physical intimacy. If you go too fast or too slow in your relationships you will eventually realize it is like Goldilocks and the Three Bears. The third date is the right timing.