Christmas - The Relationship Breaker???

If there is one thing I have learned over the years it is that couples with shaky relationships tend to break up either before Christmas - or shortly after New Years.

Sometimes it might even drag out until Valentines Day, but chances are likely the relationship is over thanks to all the extra stress, expectations and sometimes even childishness when it comes to the Christmas season.

What if they don't give you a "good enough" present?

Did they not spend enough money on the gift? (Because apparently some people have monetary expectations.)

Did they not put enough thought into the gift, showing that they really know you?

What if you were expecting a lot more romance?

Did his / her parents like you? Did you like them?

And a whole mess of other things.

Christmas places so many stresses on the relationship that it is basically trial by fire to see whether the relationship can last or not. People who cannot cope well under the stress - and have childish expectations with respect to gift giving - and don't have a realistic expectation when it comes to romance, will be very disappointed if they are setting their hopes too high.

Compare Christmas with other times of the year and you see peaks of breakups 2 weeks before Christmas and 1 month after Valentines.

Jealousy Fuelled Rage and Temper Tantrums

To maintain the privacy of the individuals I have changed all the names of the people mentioned in this post.

I belong to a gaming group that plays Dungeons and Dragons. Now the first thing you know about D&D players is that they often don't have girlfriends. Well in this group they all have girlfriends - and two of the gamers are women and dating the other gamers.

The group is...

Genevieve, who is dating Peter and close friends with Angela.
Peter, who is the guy running the game and works as a doctor.
Angela, who is dating Locke, and a bit naive.
Locke, who is very overweight and very insecure about his relationship with Angela.
Plus me and three other guys, all of which have girlfriends.

As the group dynamic goes I am the jock of the group. I work as a personal trainer, and while I play D&D I am basically leaps ahead of the common nerd with respect to my weight and musculature. Basically I am a fitness nerd who can quote you how many calories activities burn depending on your weight.

Thus it was when I first joined this group that Locke immediately hated me and made a rude comment within he first two minutes of shaking his hand.

Why?! Because he sees me as a threat who might steal away his girlfriend. A girlfriend who is much more attractive than he is physically, but he manages to control her somewhat due to her naivete and his domineering personality.

Now I know she is atttactive, but just because a person is attractive doesn't mean someone else is automatically attracted to them. For my part I have known Angela since 2004 and in the last 9 years she has gained some weight, lost some of her attractiveness and while I might have been interested in her 9 years ago I am no longer interested in her. To me she is now "one of he guys".

But to Locke I am still a threat. To the point of jealousy and delusions.

Since joining the group last Winter he has sent me two ranting emails trying to intimidate me into quitting the group. He makes up such things like I slow the game down (completely untrue), that everyone else hates me (if that was true why is he the only one complaining?), and similar ridiculous claims.

Basically it is the kind of angry rants people tend to write late at night when they're feeling more paranoid than usual and their blood sugar levels are wonky.

Recently Locke decided to quit the group and pressured his girlfriend to quit too. This was followed by his most recent ranting temper tantrum email wherein he complains about me and tries to convince others I am a danger to the group.

In other words, he is making mountain ranges out of molehills so small that only a delusional person can see them.

I am no more a threat to the group than the plastic miniatures on the gaming table.

But I am a threat because he is worried might steal his girlfriend. She has to toe the line of his jealousy and delusions otherwise he will get really upset. And she is a bit too naive and he is too domineering for that to change.


Seriously. Jealousy is like a form of insanity. Even when there is nothing there a person with insane jealousy can turn into an obsessive maniac.

I find the whole thing petty and yet funny. He lacks confidence in himself and is so insecure he sees every man who is more attractive than him as a potential rival for her affections. And he then goes to insane extremes and makes ridiculous statements based on his paranoid delusions.

And that frankly, is both hilarious and pitiful.

Fortunately not all nerds are as insecure and problematic as Locke is. Some of them, like the characters from the Big Bang Theory, can actually get girlfriends and have successful relationships.

But I admit that for the hardcore nerds - especially ones who are overweight and mentally off their rocker, it is pretty freaking rare.

Advanced Kissing Skills 101

Want to be a better kisser? Start by getting more practice and reading the list below so you can master the best ways to kiss.

Chocolate Kiss - Best done with a Mars Bar because there is caramel in that too! Just take a bite and French kiss as you would. Very silky smooth type of kiss, and can end up very messy. Extremely pleasurable, and even more funny! Perfect for a first date just after a first kiss, or something to do that's a little bit different. A must for anyone, best style of kissing ever!

Spiderman Kiss - It's just like in the movie. You kiss upside down, taking in both of your lower lips and do all those other kisses listed above.

Spitzer Kiss - What you do is when you are ready to kiss (or even while you're Frenching or doing any other kiss) is gently nibble and/or lick the parts just above or below your partner's lip. Now don't slobber all over your partner. Just give enough saliva to get them damp. This is very fun and romantic. It will also turn your partner on or in other words make them like the kiss more.

Lap Kiss - While your partner is laying with his/her head in your lap, lean over and kiss her/him. Your bottom lip will be on your partner's top lip, and vise versa. You can even French kiss while in this position. This kiss is a playful kiss, and it can lead to much more.

Carmex Kiss - If either you or your partner are not carmex junkies, apply a little carmex to your lips and feel the gentle tingle on your lips.

Muzzle Kiss - When kissing the neck of your partner, at one point blow air out of your mouth while pressing the lips down, creating the sound of some sort of... flatulence.! It should be ever so unexpected and quite interesting indeed.

Trade-off Kiss - One of you gets a cinnamon candy and the other a mint. One takes the cinnamon and the other the mint. While French kissing, switch them from time to time. Great fun.

Tongue Ring Kiss - What you do is, if your partner has a tongue ring and the two of you are French kissing, mess with his/her tongue ring while kissing and it gives your partner chills and excitement/happiness because a lot of people with tongue rings love that. Or if the two of you have a tongue ring have a tongue ring WAR! What you do is keep his/her tongue away from your tongue ring, while you're messing with their tongue ring. (NOTE: don't Tangle tongue rings together because that will be a disaster!)

Breath Kiss - In a hot moment - creates major anticipation - barely touch lips with lips slightly parted... then breath your partner's breath... moving heads slowly to experience different sensations... lips touching on and off slightly... it is a very teasing sort of kiss and builds passion tremendously.

Chew Kiss - Tell your partner to place their tongue deeply into mouth deeply... you VERY GENTLY "chew" on the back part of their tongue... do not suck. This will create a sensation in other places that can be very exciting!

Touch Kiss - You do this after you and your partner have Frenched or really kissed alot. What you do is just simply touch tongues - like the tip of your tongue. You may want to move it around but you don't have to. You don't do it inside your mouth you do it out in the open.

Underwater Kiss - Have your partner hold their breath underwater and when he or she taps you give them air.

Moving Kiss - Make sure a bed or couch or chair is behind your partner and when French kissing gently push your partner onto the chair or whatever is behind them. Very good for serious couples or just beginners.

Flavor Kissing - Put a piece of long lasting gum in your mouth (Hubba Bubba, Trident) just before you and your partner French kiss. While kissing pass the gum back and forth, and see how long it takes for the flavor to run out!

Chin Kiss - Hold your partner's chin with your middle, index, and thumb and tilt their head in the right direction. Continue to hold it as you kiss.

Suck Kissing - This can be a very seductive type of kiss. Instead of French Kissing with your mouth open, while your partner's lips are parted suck on their top our bottom lip with your own, just for a second or two. Then go back to another type of kiss or try the other lip.

Nip Kissing - This type of kiss has to be done carefully, but when done correctly can create a wonderful effect on your partner. While suck kissing, gently bite their lip, but be VERY gentle so as not to hurt your partner. This kiss should only be done with someone that you've kissed a few times before, otherwise you may shock your partner.

Surprise Kissing - This type of kiss is done when your partner is lying down on a sofa or the ground, either asleep or just lying with their eyes closed. Quietly approach your partner and place a small, very gentle kiss on their lips. Intensify the kiss until your partner opens their eyes or awakens.

Vacuum Kissing - This is a playful kiss. While in an open-mouthed kiss, suck in deeply so you're sucking the air from your partner.

Cordial Kissing - Take a sip of your favorite drink, either alcohol or something sweet, and then when your lips meet pour the drink in your partner's mouth. Only take a very small sip.

Butterfly Kissing - Put your eye really close to your partner's cheek and flutter your lashes upon their skin. You can also do this on their lips.

Melt Kissing - Pass an ice cube back and forth in mouth while French kissing.

Glow Stick Frenzy - Pass the mini mouth glow stick back and forth (same thing as melt kissing).

Tongue Sucking - When you have the chance to get really deep into your partners mouth, suck on their tongue as far as you can. Don't suck to hard, you don't want to hurt your partner. Otherwise it's very pleasing!

Sigh Kiss - When you first start kissing your partner gently lick their lips with the tip of your tongue. Then blow or sigh into their lips, causing a tingling feeling that will intensify your kiss for sure.

Pop Kiss - Use pop-rocks, great fun. You've heard of fireworks, this is an explosion!

Tongue Tease - When you're French kissing, if/when you pull back, and before your mouths meet again, you can flick your tongue up and down quickly against the other person who is doing the same. It's very teasing and fun to see how long it lasts. Its hard to resist going strong after a while of flicking.

You Are More Beautiful Than You Think

You REALLY Are More Beautiful Than You Think.

Which means that when you go out on dates you need to stop worrying about your appearance quite so much and start having more fun.

67 Ways to Save Money and still go on Dates

When you’re down on your luck cash wise, it’s not always easy to come up with ways to impress your date. Luckily, there’s still tons of fun and romantic things you can do that take little-to-no money—all that’s required is a little creativity. Here’s our 67 favorite ideas for cheap dates:

1. Browse the local farmers’ market.
2. Go on a picnic. All you need is a blanket, fruit, sausage, cheese, crackers and water.
3. Fly a kite.
4. Enjoy a romantic home-cooked meal.
5. Cook dinner together.
6. Go apple picking.
7. Give a massage.
8. Go to the beach.
9. Attend an open-air festival.
10. See an art-house movie matinee.
11. Build a snowman.
12. Have a barbecue.
13. Share a sundae.
14. Attend an art gallery.
15. Take a hike.
16. Go to a book signing.
17. Go for a bike ride.
18. Play miniature golf.
19. Attend a wine tasting.
20. Go fishing.
21. Go sledding (with a thermos of hot cider or cocoa).
22. Visit the zoo.
23. Rent a movie.
24. Pick up movie at your local library.
25. Drive go-carts.
26. Go window-shopping.
27. Invite friends over for board games.
28. Do a Google search for free things to do in your city.
29. Eat out with a gift certificate from
30. Drive through the country (especially good around Fall).
31. Play at a playground (swings and teeter-totters are fun!)
32. Attend a planetarium show.
33. Browse antique shops.
34. Go to an open mic night at a coffee shop or bookstore.
35. Volunteer at a favorite charity.
36. Attend a high school sporting event.
37. Watch Shakespeare in the Park.
38. Have an indoor picnic.
39. Star gaze (Orion is an easy constellation to spot).
40. Take a pottery class together.
41. Go bowling.
42. Play pool.
43. Go to the local community pool.
44. Feed the ducks at a local pond.
45. Go ice skating.
46. Go roller skating.
47. Play laser tag.
48. Play frisbee.
49. Go kayaking or canoeing.
50. Skip rocks at a lake.
51. Watch a meteor shower (here’s when they happen).
52. Attend a local high school, community college or university play or musical.
53. Go camping.
54. Play basketball together.
55. Visit a botanical garden.
56. Go spelunking (but be careful!)
57. Get a cup of coffee together (hopefully at a spot that offers free refills).
58. Take a factory tour. Breweries that offer free samples are especially fun.
59. Take dance lessons at a local community center.
60. Visit local historic landmarks.
61. Put together a puzzle.
62. Carve pumpkins (around Halloween).
63. Go strawberry picking.
64. Attend a flea market or swapmeet.
65. Check out yard sales.
66. Assemble a model airplane then fly it in a park.
67. Go out for brunch (cheaper than dinner).

Dating doesn’t have to be expensive. Often, your date will be more impressed with a creative dating idea than they will if you spend lavish amounts of money on them. So get creative, save money, and have fun!

Should I Text Him Flowchart

Interested in a guy and want to send him a text? Follow the flowchart to find out whether you should.

A Good Boyfriends knows what to do...

A good boyfriend should know when he is wanted.

Except men are not psychic.

A good boyfriend should know how to treat a girl.

A bit like how you treat your mother, except you get to ogle her breasts.

A good boyfriend should tie your shoes for you once in awhile.

Just because it is so cute when you do it.

A good boyfriend should behave like a prince...

Except in the sack, when the girl is expecting a beast.

A good boyfriend should know the endings of every movie containing a Disney princess. And Beauty and the Beast. And The Princess Bride. And Pretty Woman. The list goes on.

But don't expect him to know the ending of The Hunger Games Trilogy or the Twilight Trilogy. Some things are just not in his repertoire.

A good boyfriend should know how to give you a piggyback ride.

And know when to set you down when you start getting motion sickness.

Sometimes boyfriends also make good chairs.

Good boy!

The Coffee Date - Poetry by Maria Jones-Statham

The Coffee Date

I sit in the coffee shop and wait
Always waiting
I look at my watch
I look at it again 1 minute later

You're late

Is it because you didn't like my photo?
Maybe you thought I was ugly?
Or too tomboy-ish?

Wait, this is the right coffee shop?
There isn't another one across the street
Or around the corner...

My heart races as a man fitting your description enters
No wait, he is with someone
Minutes pass
I text a friend and keep looking at my watch

Finally there you are!
I can tell by your glasses and hair
You don't even notice me at first
I wave at you and you seem to look right through me...

For a moment I think I might be wrong
It isn't you...
Or maybe you will turn and leave
Pretend not to know me

But then you see me
Your eyes light up
I smile
You order a coffee and come over

You apologize for being late
I say it doesn't matter but inside my heart is twisted
You talk about the weather
You ask about my family
My work, my hobbies, my interests

Awkward silence and even more awkward conversation
You keep looking at your watch
I catch myself looking at mine

Well this was nice meeting you say
Yes, nice meeting you
My heart sinks like a rock in a bottomless pit

Would you like to meet again I blurt out
I will call you later you say

But you never call

And I really didn't expect you to I suppose

It is so hard to meet people

I go home and pet my pussy, literally and figuratively

Sometimes I wonder if I should stop meeting men
You know, buy a vibrator, get more cats, stop shaving my legs

But then I see the happy couples in public
Holding hands, kissing, touching

And I realize its not sex I am craving
Its companionship
The kind a cat or a dog could never give

So I go on Plenty of Fish and I see a new you
You seem nice...
Attractive, interesting hobbies...

We agree to meet
Sure, I love coffee

I sit in the coffee shop and wait
Always waiting
I look at my watch
I look at it again 1 minute later

By Maria Jones-Statham

March 2012

The Pre Date Phone Call - Screening your Dates Beforehand = Judgement Time

Ah, the good ol' pre date phone call.

Ever done this?

Basically the person you are planning to have a first date with wants to hear the sound of your voice and have a conversation to see if you are compatible.

For me this is a great way to weed out people I would find exceptionally annoying to talk to in real life.

I will cite a specific example here:

"Samantha" called me up while I was having a texting conversation with her. Apparently she was getting impatient and wanted to speak with me right away. I didn't even get to finish my text about zombies. Oh well.

During the ensuing phone conversation I began to notice a number of annoying traits about this woman.

#1. She got upset way too easily, over even minor things. (Which means it is really easy to push her buttons.)

#2. She came off as a bit of a braggart and egotistical - which is never a desirable trait. (I am not perfect either, but I do have a decent sense of humility.)

#3. My talkativeness made her anxious and annoyed - as did my apparent ability to guess what she was about to say next. (Honestly, I have gotten very good at guessing what people will say next. If that is my superpower it is apparently an annoying one.)

#4. My impression was that she was both a hypocrite and very judgmental, stating that she doesn't like judgmental people - and yet was being judgmental herself. When I pointed this out later on she got very upset. And when I explained that "Everyone is judgmental all the time. When you pick up a piece of cheese you are judging whether it is good to eat." she tried to argue that people aren't constantly judging everything they see, hear, smell, etc. At which point I explained yes they are. Because their brain interprets the data they receive from all the senses / etc and then makes a judgment call based on what it knows already. "This cheese smells like bad cheese. Time to throw it out because I think it has gone bad." The cheese has been judged. Even if the cheese smelled good then it would still get a judgment, but then it would be a positive one. "This cheese smells good. Time to make grilled cheese sandwiches!"

By the time I had determined #4 I knew this woman was not for me - in fact I daresay she is probably a mental headcase who is not ready to be dating anyone for a long term period.

How do I know this? Because the conversation was reminding me of an ex I had several years ago who was so judgmental and argumentative that I eventually broke up with and the reason I gave for the breakup was because I was extremely unhappy whenever I was with her.

I am serious, she was making me miserable because I couldn't have a normal conversation with her without her starting an argument. (So if I was already getting this from a mere 50 minute phone call then it was a pretty bad sign this woman was not for me.)

I think it might have something to do with my parents arguing a lot when I was a kid - argumentative people, the kind who deliberately argue for the sake of arguing, really grate on my nerves.

Which is why I contend that Samantha (and other extremely argumentative women like her) are not suitable for dating anyone. No one. Period.

Same goes with men who have the same sort of personality.

Now you might think "Oh but it takes two to tango. You can't have an argument if only one person is arguing."

Yes, you can. Both my parents have done it many times and I have personally witnessed it many times. It only takes one person to start an argument - and then just need to be in a deliberately argumentative mood.

As opposed to a person who is simply argumentative ALL THE TIME.

What it makes me realize is that there should almost be some kind of CONVERSATION ETIQUETTE that we can teach people in order to make them socialize better and lead them away from their argumentative tendencies.

For example things like "Don't bring up politics, religion or abortion."

However at the same time if those topics are such a big deal maybe it is better to get them out of the way in an hurry. Get it over and done with. Rip the bandaid off in one swift motion.

This is why "Judgement Time" (as I like to call it) or the "Pre Date Phone Call" is such an awesome way to screen potential dates.

Especially if you realize the person on the other end is an egotistical braggart / hypocrite and you start deliberately pressing their buttons.

Which I wholly admit to. Near the end of the call I was deliberately (but politely) pushing her buttons to make her realize what a hypocritical jackass she was.

I can be a jackass too, but at least I admit to it. It is the phonies that irritate me.

Being judgmental is NOT a bad thing. Making judgment calls about potential romantic partners just means you are trying to gauge people and then make a decision. There is nothing wrong with that.

However I will say that you should never judge too quickly. Wait and see first. When in doubt you should always try to test out whether the other person truly is the jackass you suspect them to be before giving them the proverbial boot.

Lets just stay friends...

Have you ever noticed the number of couples who break up, one of them uses the lets just be friends speech, and then they never talk again?

I mean that speech is really just code for "lets never see each other ever again".

So why bother using it?

To let them down easy?

Utter lie.

The real reason is because the person doing the breakup speech is too gutless to tell the truth.

It is in essence a sign of a person who is too immature to tell the truth and is still stuck in a highschool dating mindframe where they would be seeing the other person at school regularly and thus would want to maintain a friendly relationship for appearances sake and to prevent possible complications / hateful rumours.

But if a person isn't in highschool any more then it is time to start telling the truth. Tell them why you are breaking up with them.

Eg. I want someone who looks different.

I want to meet someone who is more like me.

I like dating badboys who treat me like crap and you're too nice to be a badboy.


Chewing Gum = Prepare to get Kissed

If a girl starts chewing gum near the end of a first date it means she is expecting the guy to kiss her.

It took me years to figure this one out so I am writing it down and passing on this bit of wisdom to you.

Which means, if you follow this logical reasoning that you can use chewing gum as a way to determine whether the girl wants to be kissed at the end of the date...

Here goes...

The date seems to be going well and it is near the end. The guy reaches into his pocket and offers the girl a piece of chewing gum. He then takes one for himself.

If the girl accepts the gum it means she is worried her breathe might smell bad and she has every intention of kissing you before the end of the first date.

If she refuses the gum... Yeah, your chances just dropped suddenly. Maybe she doesn't like gum, or doesn't like the flavour you offered her... so it is possible she still wants to kiss you, but the chances are likely that she won't since most women on a date are going to be self-conscious about possible bad breath.

If she takes out the gum first - and even offers you one - well that is a clear signal right there!

Note also that chewing gum also signals she may not just want a simple kiss on the lips - she is more likely to be wanting french kissing!

Advice for First Dates

By Daniel Mermelstein

Alright, you got through the awkwardness of picking someone up.  You’ve set a date, a time, and a location.  Now what? I asked experienced daters around me what goes through their minds when getting ready for a first date.  Apparently, it’s the hair.

Commonly portrayed in high school comedies, romantic comedies, and comedies in general, many of us know that women can spend extraordinary amounts of time fixing their hair.  And many of us know how late for a date it can sometimes make them.

However, when I questioned my female interviewees I found that the guy’ hair is also an important factor.  For women, hair is a major indicator of how a man will treat himself, and possibly them.  It gives women insight into our personality.  One interviewee was careful to point out: “Too much gel isn’t cool.  You don’t want someone who puts more work into their hair than you do.”  So dudes, if it’s been a couple days and you’re wondering whether you should shower and comb, the shower is a good start.  The combing I’ll leave to your discretion.

As for men, well, it’s shape; body as well as face.  Physique is what makes us take notice, but conversation is what holds us in place.  My male references were also quick to point out that posture is very noticeable.   How a woman holds herself is a personality tip to those around her, and to those looking to get closer.

Both sexes expressed the concern of conversation.  It seems to be everyone’s fear that they will run out of subjects to talk about and enter a period of awkward silence.  That is unlikely to happen if you’re on a date with someone you know, but if it’s someone totally new it is a possibility.  I say don’t fear the silence; if it’s awkward, then maybe that’s a sign of incompatibility; if the silence is appropriate, then maybe they know something of talking, or not, when the moment is right.

A specific tip from the guys to other men was to yes, get ready for it, actually talk to your date.  It’s true, we have very pretty faces, but most of the time both of you need more than good looks to keep it going past the first sixty seconds.  Humor is a great invention; use it well.  Jock humor might have worked in high school, but when you’re 25 and making fun at someone else’s expense you tend to look like a shallow fool.

Teasing, on the other hand, is great for building sexual tension.  There is a distinction.

An example which can be put to use by either sex is based on a concern that was voiced by whoever was on the receiving end of the first date:  Am I dressing appropriately?  To whichever person is doing the asking out, not telling your date exactly where you’re going can lead to an exciting surprise, but you are allowed to give them a hint as to what to wear.  That way they will feel more comfortable with putting themselves in your guiding hands.

As for behavior; to the men: be respectful.  Pay attention to the details, because many women do, and will appreciate that you notice their effort; however, I’m not saying compliment them on every item of their clothing.  I mean if your date has put some extra effort into preparing for the event, let them know you’ve noticed; you don’t necessarily have to make a compliment: “So tell me, how long did that hairdo take?”.

Behavioral tips for women:  many of you like to talk.  A lot.  This is acceptable, as long as you are also interested in getting to know your date.  You can do this by following your anecdote with a sincere “Has anything like that ever happened to you?” or “Now tell me about your family.  Are your family reunions as crazy as mine?”.  Believe it or not, there are men in the world who are have lives as well, and would like a minute or two to tell you about them and thus make you a part of it.

In ending, think of this: everyone wants to share.  They may think that others don’t want to listen, and so they hold back.  You want to make your date feel comfortable enough that they will want to be themselves around and in front of you, and not be wondering what is or isn’t acceptable to you.  So be a man, be confident, secure, and pay attention to what she does.  Be a woman; let him have his say and include him in your conversation, and let him think he’s in control.

Best Breakup Line Ever!

Imagine you are a man and you are in a relationship based on sex - and you'd rather breakup with this person you are having sex with. (Possibly because they are annoying all the time.)

So how do you breakup with them?

Well, number one, you do it by text. You make it clear that way that the relationship you have is too impersonal and meaningless.

Number two. Your text needs to make it clear that there are other things you'd rather be doing than having sex with them.

So what is the best breakup line ever?

Wait for it...


"I really should be doing work tonight. If you are coming over for sex then it is $30 per hour."

Now remember, this is a man saying this to a woman.

Women are not going to pay for sex. Not usually. Extremely rare circumstances.

Ergo, she sees this and realizes this man has little interest in having sex with her and is only willing to do it for money. Now I suppose, if she needed it all the time, then she might be willing to pay for it regularly.

Now I admit, when used in practice this breakup line is more likely to confuse the woman who is being dumped. She might even think you are desperate for money.

In which case she will ask for an explanation.

"Its just not doing it for me. Its more like a chore and I don't feel any romance with you. I still enjoy it, obviously, but there are other things I really should be doing. So if you really want it that bad I figure you should pay for my time and effort.
Or alternatively...
"I don't want a romantic relationship with you and since you are just using me for sex then I should get paid for it."

So yeah.

She might get upset. Or just confused. Or maybe she will be relieved because now she can go find a real relationship that isn't based on physical friction so much.


“I have only still been seeing you because I felt obliged to, and if we were right for each other, neither of us should feel like that.”
“I love you toooooo much, it’s driving me mad.”
“Sorry for the long silence…I have personal issues lately…Happy Friday!“
“I just can’t take the bad sex anymore”.
“Honestly? It’s you not me, you’re just too perfect for someone else. And I’m perfect for the girl on Facebook.”
“You’re perfect in every way, just not for me.”
“I get so emotional when you’re not around…That emotion is called happiness.”
“Oh, sorry but l am going to my brother’s wedding and you are not invited….”
“It’s not you. You’re fine, lovely in fact, and much smarter than me. It’s just I want to pursue younger women.”
“Maybe this break up will be good for you, since you’ve never really experienced pain before.”
“I enjoy your company, fancy you like crazy, and love having sex with you, but I don’t love you and I never will.”
“The problem with our relationship is, we’re in a relationship.”
“Just the fact that you had to sit me down and talk about our communication problems means that were not going to work out, and we should end our relationship.”
“I can’t believe you won’t let me go to a strip club in Vegas. This shows you really don’t care about me.”
“Really, our time together has just become more effort than you’re worth.”
“You care too much about celebrities.”
“I wish I could say you were the most special person in the world, but you’re not.”
“I don’t want to have to go on holiday to see my girlfriend. It’s just not fun anymore.”
“You’re not Mr. Right – just Mr. Right Now.”
“Before you were still a mystery and now you need to be history.”
“I’m just not feeling ‘it’ so I want a divorce.”
“If only I were in love with just one girl, not two.”
“I love you but I’m not in love with you so I guess I’m more of a lesbian than we thought.”
“Hmmm, I am not sure that I want to do this anymore…”
“You have your own life. You have a job. You can’t sleep with me in my bed every night. I really don’t even like her but she lets me drink.”
“I want to have fun and I’m not ready to carry a burden through my youth.”
“You have an irrational (emotional) intensive feeling for me which frightens me.”
“I just can’t come up tonight. This whole thing is just making me ill.”
“I have these spirit guides and as I drove home today they were telling me very strongly that we live too far apart and it’s never going to work.”
“Ideally, I would like to write my book, and once I finish I’ll give you an answer as to whether we will be together or not.”
“You don’t engage me anymore”.
“I bought my baby’s mama an engagement ring for Valentine’s Day. Since this is the last time we’ll be together, I hope you want to get real freaky.”
“I need to see other women to prove to myself that my love for you is genuine.”
“She said that she was better for me than you, so I had no choice but to defend our love and prove her wrong…You should be thanking me for this.”
“I’ll always remember last night, but I think we can forget about tomorrow.”
“I just don’t think we’re ‘suitable’ suitable”.
“I need to tell you that someone from my past has come back into my life. I knew her years ago but there were so many things that interfered with her and I having a relationship that could not be overcome, but that has passed and now she and I are making another attempt.”
“You’re Muslim, and I’m Hindu, this is never going to work, I’m sorry.”
“I’m making a changes in my life that don’t include you. I’m sorry. I love you but I’m going through a quarter life crisis right now. You know I’m not going to live much longer because all prodigies die young.”
“Isn’t six and a half years long enough?”
“You know how Fromm talks about love being an active process? Well, I’m afraid love didn’t even grow. I’m looking for a Soulmate and you’re not her.”
“It just fizzled out, I am sorry. We are still buds, just not like before, I can’t do it.”
“Please understand that I care for you deeply, but need to finalize my thoughts with her good or bad – for my sake. But I would still like to take you to lunch and call you if that is OK with you. I just can’t see you right now.”
“I was asked to make a choice. If I had not been asked, I may have chosen differently”.
“I am having a disruption in my professional life (leaving job), so I thought that I may as well have a disruption in my personal life.”
“My ‘friend’ has asked me to move in with her and I’ve agreed, is it alright if I move out on Saturday?”
“My dick is committed to you, but my heart is not.”
“You are the only really good girl I’ve ever met, I will probably never meet anyone like you again. You are really marriage material. If we stay together, we will get married in a few years, BUT I’m not sure I am ready to commit to one person.”
“I just can’t handle the distance…I’m so sorry.”
“This isn’t easy and neither are you…I’m breaking up with you.”
“I just don’t know how much longer I can do this charade that I am happy with the relationship as it is.”
“Sorry I stopped contacting you. I had to go back to rehab.”
“I’d like to think that I just need some time, because I really miss you, but really I never loved you and I miss everyone else”.
“I love you. I love hanging out with you. You are so easy to live with. I want everything to remain the same except the boyfriend/girlfriend thing.”
“You’re an investment with no return.”
“I know that if I continue seeing you that you that I will want to spend the rest of my life with you, but I’m not ready for that, so I don’t want to see you anymore.”
“Yes, I thought we were getting to the point in our relationship where I might start to fall in love with you, but your insecurities about how I feel about you have made it clear that I can never fall in love with you.”
“You’re a great guy, but I have so much baggage, and right now I have more bad days than good days…it wouldn’t be fair to subject you to that.”
“I still care about you, but I just don’t find my heart jumping out of my chest when I see you anymore.”
“I have lost all romantic feelings for you completely, and I desire no future relationship with you.”
“She’s exactly like you used to be – before you became a bitch.”
“I think you love me more than I love you.”
“Bad news, I met someone last night, and as I neither want to cheat on you nor bull**** you, we should keep seeing us as ‘friends’ only,…if it is OK for you?”
“I’m looking for a long-term relationship and I just can’t pursue that with you.”
“I think we both rushed into this relationship so fast but forgot to get to know each other. We should have taken our time. You can’t fall in love in two months but we were so keen to try.”
“We both have some of the qualities we want, but not all of them. I want nothing or easier.”
“I really feel that we have major differences…I like playing the accordion, and growing roses…you don’t.”
“The longer we are together, the less serious I am about you.”
“We’ve both grown up and changed, I love you, but that kind of love has changed, and it’s not the kind you want from me. I want us to be closest friends instead.”
“I feel like I’m changing, and though I do love you and I really like spending time with you, I’m not as ‘in love’ with you anymore..”
“I don’t think you have it in you to be a good mother. When I thought about marrying you, I only thought about whether you’d make a good wife…I didn’t think about whether you’d make a good mother too.”
“I don’t want the responsibility of someone else’s happiness.”
“I’m really sorry to have messed you about, but being with you has made me realise that I am gay and I can’t string you along anymore.”
“I feel alive when I am with her, but I am very grateful to you.”
“If you were about to say that you just wanted fun and no labels, I’d want to continue. But I think you want more.”
“You just know me too well, and that freaks me out. You know what I am going to do before I do it, so I can’t do anything.”
“I have no empathy for you just contempt and I think about suicide rather than staying with you.”
“Really, it’s not you, I’m just going through a selfish phase…”
“We don’t make each other happy, is that what you want to hear?”
“I feel like this break up has made our relationship so much stronger.”
“I really like you, you’re a lovely woman and we have great fun – you’re just not a long-term prospect.”
“Maybe we have too much in common. We are too much alike.”
“I don’t want you to feel like I’m breaking up with you. I just can’t be in a relationship with you anymore.”
“I know it took me two years to finally get you out on a date, but now I’m feeling tied down…”
“I just can’t live with the pathetic tickles that you call ‘sexual thrusts’ anymore.”
“I’m leaving you. Do you want me to go tonight or tomorrow?”

Building Stronger Relationships Towards LOVE

Want to build a stronger and healthier relationship? Follow the following tips and you will find you both develop feelings of love faster and are more open about communicating.

1. Relax Optimistically

Having a relax mind about the person with whom you are interested in relationship will help you to build a strong trust and relationship. When you feel comfortable with others, then they will feel comfortable with you. If you are interested in relationship don’t be nervous because a nervous person can’t achive his destiny and the partner will easily sense that and they will withdraw from relationships.

It is common when we meet a online friend in real world, but have a brighten face which will attract the friend you are meeting and also persons around. In this world each and every person are interested in meeting other singles who are having fun and joy. That is the reason why we are trying to make friendship and relationship. When you are meeting a long lost friend your face will glow in joy and shine like a sun because the friend you’re meeting is your best friend. When you have that face to the new friend they will feel happy and comfortable to have a friendship or relationship with you. Here I would like to introduce a secret to you for getting a brighten face.

SMILE, nothing can beat a smile, it make your face to glow in joy. We are interested to meet a girl/ guy who is has a smile in his face. We won’t turn to a person who don’t know how to smile. So smile is a biggest way to get an instant glow in your face and you will get relaxed in mind too. When your smile reciprocates by partner then your heart will smile and that gives a bonding with the partner you are having relationship.

2. Listen Deeply

Relaxing your mind and smileing gives a start to build trust with each other but when you listen to the words and messages of your partner then it will create unexplainable joy to the heart of your friend or partner. Share their thoughts by listening to their words.

Allow them to speak, In a successful relationship between any two persons there will be a lot of communication and sharing. Before building trust no person will tell their secrets but when you listen to them with heart then they will open their heart wide for accommodating you into that place. Listening creates an emotional feelings to person who is communicating. Friendship and relationships are tied with a bond of emotion not with a bond of appearance.

Listen to your partner or friend with heart, listen deeply with emotional feeling. You will listen carefully when you place yourself in the place of your partner. Feel their emotions and the body psotures. Body language reveals a lot of messages to the outside world. There is a lot of books available in bookstores which teach you the body language.

When you feel your partner is in need offer a hand of help, which makes your bonds strong with each other. Friendship and relationship (An affair with your love) is beyond parenting. You can’t share some secrets with your parents but with your friend. This kind of sharing will come when they feel comfortable and trust on you. To get this relationship and friendship you need to listen carefully.

3. Feel Empathetically

As I said earlier feeling or seeing the other person’s perspective without seeing your own belief is empathetic. In friendship or relationship you must see the perspective point of the person who is sharing the problem rather than your own point. It leads to two way communication between you both. When you feel their mistakes as yours then there will be the birth for solutions.

When your partner realize that you know the mistakes of them and still you are respecting them and sharing excitement during their victory, encouragement and support during their difficulty will build trust on you because you are looking into the person’s heart, not looking into mistakes. If you are not at all looking into mistakes of other person, it will lead you to difficulty. Rather correct them when they are doing small mistakes and forget that mistakes, this gives a double times trust on you because you are trying to correct the person but not leaving the person. Empathy will build a strong relationship and friendship with trust.

4. Respond Carefully

Emotions create good and also bad.

Emotionally motivated persons will do good and wrongs because they relates everything with emotions. When you are emotionally charged choose your words correctly. If you’re not correct in your words then the trust you built till that moment will shatter into pieces which is unrecoverable. So choose your words and emotions carefully.

Showing your emotions without understanding the other person mood will also create problems, so understand the person’s mood and needs. As I said words can build or destroy trust on you. When they are sad make them to come up by your words, which will build trust, but when they are happy and you speak about their past mistakes without intention will destroy trust on you immediately.

Before responding to a question listen deeply and analyze them deeply in your heart. Reply them with your view ans solution back to them carefully. When you respond back to them use their words rather than your words which will create an feeling that you have listened their words and problems which again gives trust on you.

5. Compliment Them

Compliment, a small word which does miracles. None in this world hates compliment because it gives joy to your heart that they appreciate us for our work. Compliment them whenever possible. Appreciating a person is like walking on top of a knife. When you over-compliment them they will think as you are teasing thme rather than appreciating their work, which will back fire you. So compliment them with some limit. Share their joy and sarrows with you also. A response can be encouraging or discouraging, but a limited compliment will encourage others and they get trust on you. Guys you can try with a girl with following words ” Hey _____( fill with that person name), You look gorgeous and stunning.”, it may be true or false but that girl with whom you are trying will like you. And gals you try the same with guys, guys will follow you and do anything for you people. This is the power of compliment. Each and every person loves compliment.

6. Synchronize Cooperatively


Hmmm what is synchronizing, A true and trusting friendship and relationship will happen when both friends interest and activities lies in same frequency. if you act like your partner and if they act like your activities then it creates a strong bond of friendship or relationship because everyone want to mate with those have their interest. When two same interest collides there will be a discussion and fun. if two opposite interest collides there will be a major accident happens. When two interest or views meet each other then there will be another view which will be a mix of both and we share our picture on it. Rachel and john are friends who have same interest of rock music, then they will share music first then they share their friendship, same time if Rachel has a rock music interest and John has a classical music interest they can’t share music rather they share wrongs and criticism.

Synchronizing your partner's interest is more important. Not every human is having same interest, you need to find common interest of your partner and try to develop with that. There is a possibility of sharing friendship with two different interest people. In this case there both never share their own interest rather they try to learn their partners interest which also gives a strong bonding, because you are trying to synchronize with your partner interest. Relationship require a cooperative action to survive in the minds. When you are not cooperative they never feel comfortable with you which is the base of creating strong relationships.

When relationships mature, then the values of the couple also changes. You need to be flexible with your partner by understanding the changes and goals. Without cooperative actions a relationship will not survive for a long time.

7. Act Authentically

Authentically means acting with your values. In simple words Be Yourself. When you are not like yourself. being yourself is not by appearance but by heart. Be yourself like when you are without no one. Don’t create any false appearance with others which will not create a trusting bond in your relationship and it never helps your relationship in any way. False face will not survive for a long time, for making it to survive you need to do a lot wrongs which tells you that you are not true in your friendship or relationship.

When you act like yourself you are honest to yourself and also to others which will never make you as wrong rather it gives you respect among others. Say what you can do and do what you say, be a man of words. When you are standing on your words your partner will trust you and your words. Be clear in your relationship, and find what your partner needs from your relationships. This will give you a clear mind rather than a confused mind. when you are clear by your mind you will feel relaxed and comfortable in your relationship.

8. Acknowledge Generously

When you need relationship look positive qualities of others rather than looking bad qualities. Acknowledgement from another person will register that person in brain or mind for a long time. That figure will not forget or diminish in the mind. Acknowledge them for their good qualities, Don’t overlook bad qualities of others.

Show your gratitude and encouragement by words and actions to your partner. Encourage them when they are in difficulties, support them when they are in need, These are all some kind of acknowledging problems of them and providing hands for help. When heart registers us as we are there for helping at anytime heart never feel depressed rather it shares its problem like river of flood. Sharing problems comes only after your relationship is built with strong base and trust.

To start strong relationship the above mentioned are like the tip of an iceberg. There is a lot of qualities which we need to find ourselves because they differ from each person to person. To start take a piece of paper and write down all your qualities whether good or bad, check yourself which can be used. By doing this you will find yourself which brings your inner-self. When your inner-self is out you can validate yourself into relationship you want.

5 Tips to Become a Lady Magnet

Are you interested in attracting women like magnets in your singles life?

Have you ever wondered how Bad Boys manage to attract women so easily by behaving like jerks?

Its because women's brains are hard-wired to be attracted to Alpha-Males - and thus specific behaviour causes women to be instantly attracted to any man who exhibits Bad Boy / Alpha Male traits.

Here's how...

1: Never Settle for Just Any Woman

The biggest mistake you can possibly make in any relationship is to settle for whatever woman comes along for fear you can’t do any better than what you have! Doing this will prevent you from ever finding the woman you are truly meant to be with. It is difficult to take a leap of faith, especially in matters of the heart, but settling to be with a woman that doesn’t “do it for you” is a HUGE mistake…for you both! Do NOT settle for just any woman hold out for someone that you really connect with and live the life of your dreams! Believe it or not, women admire men who know what they want and won’t settle for anything less. It is a major turn on!

2: Apply the Laws of Attraction

This subject has been poked, prodded, turned upside down and inside out. It is contained within every magazine and book and research paper on the subject of love that you will ever run across. As a relationship expert myself, I have an entire wall of books dedicated to this subject alone, and more books and articles and theories are created every day around the globe on the differences between men and women regarding their particular triggers for attraction. It is right under your nose, every day, everywhere…on TV, out in public, you name the place…it’s right there staring you down! Yet unbelievably, there are STILL people who are completely clueless about the Laws of Attraction.
Now, this is not to say that the Laws of Attraction are good or right or even tolerable at times. But, there are certain inalienable truths about attraction that you need to know and understand if you desire to become successful in any romantic relationship.

What are the Laws of Attraction? Simply put, Men and Woman are polar opposites when it comes to attraction. Men initially feel sexual attraction based upon a woman’s physical appearance, which then leads them into a desire for a relationship. But, women are initially attracted to a man’s qualities. Sure, women will admire a man’s looks, but that doesn’t lead them into a desire for a relationship with him. It’s when a man exhibits confidence in his body language and communication–regardless of his looks–that women feel a powerful sexual attraction that over shadows the man’s physical attributes.

3: Don’t Be Too Nice

Of course, everyone knows that being “nice” is considered socially acceptable in the world. But, women do not choose a lover based upon how nice they may be – that’s how they choose their friends. Being “NICE” just isn’t what ignites the flames of passion. What does ignite the flames? Attraction. What is attractive? Confidence in one’s self! Use positive body language, take meaningful actions, and be your genuine self without regard to what others may think of you. This doesn’t mean you should act like a jerk, because no one likes a jerk either. It simply means that in order to attract a woman, you MUST be confident in yourself.

4: Convincing a Woman To Like You is a Big No-No!

Do not waste any of your valuable time trying to convince a woman that doesn’t appear interested in you romantically that you are the person they are meant to be with. It will NEVER work, and in fact, may backfire on you in a most embarrassing way. Why is this? Because you can’t change the way a person “feels.” You can try to understand and you can offer alternative points of view, but you cannot change their feelings. To make matters worse, when faced with the knowledge that a woman doesn’t “feel” attracted to them, some men often take ridiculous action to convince them otherwise-they will relentlessly pursue the woman without regard for her lack of “feelings.” Spare yourself this tragedy and move on to the next lady in line, who might just “feel” attracted to you-an absolute necessity to a fulfilling relationship!

 5: Seeking Her Approval is a Waste of Time

It is completely adverse to human nature for a woman to desire a man who seems to actively pursue her approval. Psychologically, it instills in a woman’s mind that the man is automatically not worthy of her attention, and no matter what you do to gain the woman’s approval…you will always be considered less than worthy. ALWAYS! The simple truth is that you will lack the necessary confidence in yourself in order to succeed in gaining the attraction you seek. Now, this does not mean you should completely ignore a woman’s approval-just that, instead, you need to gain it through self confidence. NOT by seeking her approval of you!

How to Find Happiness and True Love

Can you find happiness and true love in a relationship?

Are you looking for a partner to make you happy or complete you?

Is your relationship less than satisfactory and you are wondering how to improve it?

Often we find it impossible to meet our dream guy or find happiness with a man simply because we are looking in the wrong place.

When we look for love, we proceed to look for someone whom we find loveable. Then we try to train him to be the person that we want him to be – a person whom we can continue to love.

How do we do this? Usually, by creating a scene and letting him know how upset we are when he doesn’t behave as we wish. By this he learns that when he exhibits this behaviour we won’t be pleased and we are certainly going to let him know it in the future.

If he’s the type of guy that wants to make us happy, then he stops doing it. Or perhaps he just goes underground and does it in secret next time. Either way, he is probably going to feel some resentment towards us.

When our guy is loveable i.e. he is doing what we want and acting in accordance with our wishes and beliefs, then we find it easy to love him. But there are also the times that we find this difficult. When he is not being loveable, we may find ourselves feeling critical of him or even harbouring unpleasant negative feelings. We may even want him to suffer, because after all, he has made us suffer, hasn’t he?

So, how do we turn this less than satisfactory situation into true love and happiness? Well the first step is realising that a man cannot make you happy, no matter how much he wants to or you want him to. Whilst you will feel happiness with your partner at times, another person will never complete you. You see, happiness is a state of mind and comes from within.

You can see this by considering how you may react to the same situation depending on how you feel at the time. Imagine your man comes home from work and he has had a bad day. You ask him to take out the garbage and he completely ignores you. As he slumps in the chair in front of the TV you can see that he is feeling bad and you rush over to help soothe his feelings.

Now, the same thing happens on another day. Only this time you’ve had a bad day yourself. This time, you were hoping for some comfort from him. When he ignores you, you feel neglected and unloved. You let him know how you feel and an argument ensues. Communication breaks down and the rest of the evening is ruined.

So, now we have established that a man is not able to make us happy. Happiness comes from within and is about you making the choice to be happy despite your external circumstances.

It is about taking responsibility for your own feelings and not expecting your man to conform to everything that you want. It is not about the perfect relationship but about focusing on the positives in the relationship rather than the negatives.

It is very hard to love someone else unless you love yourself first. This is because the way you love your man is a reflection of your own needs and beliefs around love and how it should or shouldn’t be.

Unconditional acceptance of yourself as well as your partner is the only way to find unconditional love in your life. Of course, this doesn’t mean that you should put up with a partner who treats you badly.

So, yes you can find happiness in a relationship. But only if you are happy on your own first. If you are looking for love then you must start by loving yourself. Unless you can do this you will never be able to allow love in fully.

You must take responsibility for your own happiness by examining your own beliefs and reactions and how they serve you. And you must accept your man and allow him to be the person he is. Only when all these things come together with a man who loves you and wants to make you happy will you be able to say that you have found true love.

Lots of Single Chinese Women can't find a husband

China has a lot of single women in between the ages of 27 and 35 who can't find a husband.

Why you ask?

Because Chinese men prefer to marry younger women... preferably attractive women. So what has happened is that the younger women who are less attractive end up going to university and get their Masters or PhD and by the time they graduate they are about 27 or so.

But by that point they are no longer considered desirable because they're too old - even though they may have blossomed and become more attractive during those years.

Being single and between the ages of 27 and 35 is a big no-no in Chinese culture. There is a lot of pressure for women in this age group to get married and have a kid. Pressure from parents, from friends, and from society.

But Chinese men are too busy chasing after younger women who are 18 to 26 and attractive, and thus the vicious cycle continues.

A Chinese woman who is a confident, personable, has a good salary job, lives in her own apartment, has a MA from one of China’s top universities, and a wealth of friends - but can't get a date to save her life because "27 is too old".

The Chinese government even has a name for these single, urban, educated women in China. They are called “sheng nu” or “leftover women” — and it bites.

It’s an odd label in a country with a surplus of single young men. (Due to China's one child policy many families choose to have a boy instead of a girl and parents often do late term abortions in an effort to have a boy. Decades of this policy has left China with a lot of young men who are all fighting over a small handful of attractive women.

The phenomenon is so cultural there is even a television drama that ran a couple of years ago called “Old Women Should Get Married”. Not kidding, that was the title! The plot featured a 33-year-old woman who watched her younger sister get married, suffered through blind dates (including one who turned out to be a drug dealer), and put up with her family constantly telling her to stop being so picky and just find a man.

It wasn't a comedy. It was more like a soap opera - but without the evil twin brothers.

This kind of cultural message gets hammered in multiple ways in China’s state-run media. Even the webpage of the government’s supposedly feminist All-China Women’s Federation used to feature articles about leftover women – until enough women complained and told them to stop doing that because its annoying.

Its reached a point where the cultural stigma is so bad that more government interference on the problem (the proverbial lime light) is only making the issue worse.

Since 2007, the Chinese state media have aggressively used the term "leftover women", in surveys, and news reports, and columns, in cartoons and pictures. They are deliberately stigmatizing educated women over the age of 27 or 30 who are still single.

As if it is somehow the women's fault that men keep going over after younger women.

The simple fact is that the gender imbalance in China is one of too many men. There are an estimated 20 million extra men under the age of 30 than there is women under 30. That is 20 million extra men who will either not get married, or go chasing after younger women as the men get older and older.

So its only going to get worse unless the men either get desperate enough to start thinking older and educated, or they are just going to have to stick their "hand best friend". (Any bets on how many millions of single Chinese men are jerking off right now? Difficult to say, p*rnography in China is illegal - So they're probably jerking off to lingerie catalogues.)

Its not just the matter of marrying younger / attractive women either.

Men in China also prefer to marry uneducated women in an effort to get a woman they feel superior to and can more easily control. The same thing happens here in North America too. Men are intimidated by educated women who can think for themselves.

When it comes to education men in China want to marry women who are slightly less educated than themselves. The concept is essentially explained as a matter of quality:

“There is an opinion that A quality guys will find B quality women, B quality guys will find C quality women, and C quality men will find D quality women,” Huang says. “The people left are A quality women and D quality men. So if you are a leftover woman, you are A quality.”

So if you are a woman and get As in your grades in school and university, you are automatically considered to be less attractive.

The Chinese population planning policy used to officially have a law promoting eugenics... They actually had the word ‘eugenics’ in the name of the policy. Since then they've changed the name, but the family planning policy is still behind the times by about 40 years.

The state-run media keeps up a barrage of messages aimed at picky educated women. Here’s one translated title:

“Leftover Women Do Not Deserve Our Sympathy.”

“Pretty girls do not need a lot of education to marry into a rich and powerful family. But girls with an average or ugly appearance will find it difficult. These girls hope to further their education in order to increase their competitiveness. The tragedy is, they don’t realize that as women age, they are worth less and less. So by the time they get their MA or Ph.D, they are already old – like yellowed pearls.”

However I think I should point out something.

There are plenty of men in Canada and the USA (myself included) who would be willing to marry these educated Chinese women. Judging by the photos I've found of China's "leftover women" some of them are very attractive and men in North America probably aren't as intimidated by women who also have brains.

If China doesn't want these women, send them over here!

Breaking Up With An Overly Attached Girlfriend

Relationship dating humour from "Jimmy".

College Relationships

In the video below CollegeHumor tackles the topic of the types of people you meet in college/university and what it is like dating them.

Three Dates Equals Sex

Three Dates Equals Sex is the social standard in Western culture whereby on the 3rd or 4th date the new couple start having sex.

It is not a rule, but it is an unspoken standard. If a couple doesn't start having sex by the end of the third date it usually means that they are not compatible and the relationship will soon end during the "Lets Just Be Friends Speech".

Rushing to sex on the first date can sometimes become an One Night Stand (or a lasting relationship, both are possible).

Having sex on the 2nd date is still considered too fast.

The Third Date is the socially accepted point where it is not only okay to have sex but encouraged because if a couple do not then there is something wrong.

Not all people follow the social standard of Three Dates Equals Sex. Typically non-practitioners are more religious, such as Muslim or Christian women will want a longer time period before having sex. Some super traditional women will even insist on having sex on their wedding night, but that tradition is considered very old world and impractical since many divorces are caused by a faulty sex life. It is the accepted practice that couples get to know each other sexually to make certain they are sexually compatible before getting in a long term relationship.

If a couple is waiting until the 4th date or later there can also be a lot more stress on the sex being "really good" because if it is not then the relationship may end really abruptly due to sexual incompatibility. In contrast on the 3rd date the standards are a bit lower and people aren't so stressed out if they were not perfect together on the first time.

Note - Some women don't achieve orgasm the first time they have sex with a new man. They are used to do this and it is largely the result of nervousness / inability to relax and has nothing to do with his sexual prowess. Some people will also claim that this is normal for all women and that most women fake their orgasms the first time, however less than half of women report faking their orgasms ever so such a claim cannot be true.

Men will feel more pressure to perform well in bed if there has been a huge delay before the couple's first sexual encounter. If they don't do well the woman may decide to end the relationship due to sexual incompatibility and men, logically, want to make certain their skills in bed are not undervalued.

The same goes for women. If a woman doesn't perform well in bed that first time - and stress on this will be increased dramatically if there has been a large delay - then she may find herself dumped in a hurry if the man feels she wasted his time and didn't live up to expectations. Whether the woman knows she is being judged is important. This is apparently a contributing factor for why some women fake their orgasms the first time because they know they are being judged.

Some women, due to relationship inexperience, may not know that they are being judged on sexual performance or may not even know about the Three Dates Equals Sex standard.

Same goes for men. Although the prevalence of men who lack experience with relationships / sex is more limited to very ugly / obese men. Unattractive women in contrast have less problems having sexual partners because they can always attract a man with low self esteem. Thus most "40 year old virgins" are men.


Knowing that Three Dates Equals Sex is the standard can be quite important. A lot of people have different expectations for when to have sex. Eg. Some men prefer to have sex by the 2nd date and if they don't they don't bother with a 3rd. And likewise some women prefer to wait until the 4th date.

Thus many relationships end early due to women wanting to wait longer then men. The third date is the accepted compromise.

Which means that if someone breaks up with you before the 3rd date that they may have found you so unappealing that they didn't want to have sex with you. At the same time, not breaking up with them but still going on a 4th or 5th date, without having sex, would be a classic example of "Leading Them On".

Note: Most people these days "Go Dutch" when it comes to dating, meaning they split the costs. If they aren't splitting the cost, eg. the man pays for everything, then women will then feel pressured to have sex with the man. It is a weird paradox in which women who are conservative are essentially prostitutes.


Aim to have sex by the end of the 3rd or make the 4th date at one of your homes, where its implied that its time for some physical intimacy. If you go too fast or too slow in your relationships you will eventually realize it is like Goldilocks and the Three Bears. The third date is the right timing.