Three Dates Equals Sex

Three Dates Equals Sex is the social standard in Western culture whereby on the 3rd or 4th date the new couple start having sex.

It is not a rule, but it is an unspoken standard. If a couple doesn't start having sex by the end of the third date it usually means that they are not compatible and the relationship will soon end during the "Lets Just Be Friends Speech".

Rushing to sex on the first date can sometimes become an One Night Stand (or a lasting relationship, both are possible).

Having sex on the 2nd date is still considered too fast.

The Third Date is the socially accepted point where it is not only okay to have sex but encouraged because if a couple do not then there is something wrong.

Not all people follow the social standard of Three Dates Equals Sex. Typically non-practitioners are more religious, such as Muslim or Christian women will want a longer time period before having sex. Some super traditional women will even insist on having sex on their wedding night, but that tradition is considered very old world and impractical since many divorces are caused by a faulty sex life. It is the accepted practice that couples get to know each other sexually to make certain they are sexually compatible before getting in a long term relationship.

If a couple is waiting until the 4th date or later there can also be a lot more stress on the sex being "really good" because if it is not then the relationship may end really abruptly due to sexual incompatibility. In contrast on the 3rd date the standards are a bit lower and people aren't so stressed out if they were not perfect together on the first time.

Note - Some women don't achieve orgasm the first time they have sex with a new man. They are used to do this and it is largely the result of nervousness / inability to relax and has nothing to do with his sexual prowess. Some people will also claim that this is normal for all women and that most women fake their orgasms the first time, however less than half of women report faking their orgasms ever so such a claim cannot be true.

Men will feel more pressure to perform well in bed if there has been a huge delay before the couple's first sexual encounter. If they don't do well the woman may decide to end the relationship due to sexual incompatibility and men, logically, want to make certain their skills in bed are not undervalued.

The same goes for women. If a woman doesn't perform well in bed that first time - and stress on this will be increased dramatically if there has been a large delay - then she may find herself dumped in a hurry if the man feels she wasted his time and didn't live up to expectations. Whether the woman knows she is being judged is important. This is apparently a contributing factor for why some women fake their orgasms the first time because they know they are being judged.

Some women, due to relationship inexperience, may not know that they are being judged on sexual performance or may not even know about the Three Dates Equals Sex standard.

Same goes for men. Although the prevalence of men who lack experience with relationships / sex is more limited to very ugly / obese men. Unattractive women in contrast have less problems having sexual partners because they can always attract a man with low self esteem. Thus most "40 year old virgins" are men.


Knowing that Three Dates Equals Sex is the standard can be quite important. A lot of people have different expectations for when to have sex. Eg. Some men prefer to have sex by the 2nd date and if they don't they don't bother with a 3rd. And likewise some women prefer to wait until the 4th date.

Thus many relationships end early due to women wanting to wait longer then men. The third date is the accepted compromise.

Which means that if someone breaks up with you before the 3rd date that they may have found you so unappealing that they didn't want to have sex with you. At the same time, not breaking up with them but still going on a 4th or 5th date, without having sex, would be a classic example of "Leading Them On".

Note: Most people these days "Go Dutch" when it comes to dating, meaning they split the costs. If they aren't splitting the cost, eg. the man pays for everything, then women will then feel pressured to have sex with the man. It is a weird paradox in which women who are conservative are essentially prostitutes.


Aim to have sex by the end of the 3rd or make the 4th date at one of your homes, where its implied that its time for some physical intimacy. If you go too fast or too slow in your relationships you will eventually realize it is like Goldilocks and the Three Bears. The third date is the right timing.

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